First Choice

Oh Lord.  This has got to be one of the most sickly-sweet adverts around.  What exactly do First Choice think they are achieving by subjecting their audience to such vomit-inducing material? Do they perhaps think that in some way they’ve produced a stirring campaign to leave viewers dabbing away their tears while grasping for the phone to secure their family’s love with a trip abroad?  Surely, they can’t truly believe that they’ve created a moving piece of TV that reflects their intimate understanding of family holidays, can they?! 

The advert’s premise centres on the instant when a father realises the value of spending time with his young son - induced by First Choice, naturally, who have enlightened him with their superior kind of holiday.  This wannabe ‘heart-rending movie reunion’ is at first perplexing - one wonders why exactly we are watching the slo-mo close-up of a manically smiling man.  Then, it is boring - one quickly tires from watching this manically smiling man, even though the music is quite pleasant.  And finally, when the child moves in and the camera pans out, the awful realisation kicks in and we are left with a feeling of distinct nausea. 

More like a try-hard charity campaign than a travel company promising a fun experience, this ad is definitely not my first choice.

Transport for London 2

The second of TFL’s ads on road awareness (see below) proves to be rather clever indeed.  This time the focus is on looking out for cyclists, who, like moon walking bears, can oft be difficult to spot when distracted by ball games and stuff.  Go on, try it yourself.

For more information on TFL’s current road safety campaign, go to http://www.tfl.gov.uk/corporate/projectsandschemes/roadsandpublicspaces/7599.aspx

Transport for London

At last, an enlightening piece of information that is accompanied by its relevance to real life!  I remember doing those brain teaser puzzles when I was younger, where one line seems longer than the other and straight lines look curvy but actually aren’t, and in fact, it’s just my brain playing tricks on me.  I also remember thinking what useless and arbitrary pieces of information these were.  What were they ever going to teach me about life?  Well, thank you TFL for spelling it out and importantly applying this knowledge to something we can relate to – driver perception.

The first awareness-raising advert of three from Transport for London demonstrates how easy it is to feel inaccurately comfortable with other drivers’ distances and speeds around you.  It uses line drawings to illustrate the way our brains sometimes fill in information wrongly when judging our surroundings and then immediately shocks with a figure of a cyclist hitting the windscreen.  This advert is straight to the point and likely to stick in people’s minds – a good use of 41 seconds in encouraging road users to give motorcyclists, and indeed their first impressions, a second thought.

Coca Cola

Well, it’s obvious.  Coca cola makes everything rosy in the world.  Bad boys turn good, busking tramps acquire a peculiar tunefulness and rats dance the can-can.  The latest offering from the brand sees everyone jubilantly celebrate with a bottle of coke in their hands.  Just what they’re celebrating remains unclear but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with buying lots of Coca cola…

The gist of the thing focuses on the main character of a computer game, who at first appears to be the usual hedonistically destructive alter-ego of some bored real person, yet who turns out to recognize the value of giving due to living ‘on the Coke side of life’.  Beautiful.  The use of the medium of virtual reality is pretty fitting – this is no dose of gritty realism – think Grand Theft Auto meets musical theatre.

Ok, so we all know that advertising is meant to seduce but it’s not fair when they use such a catchy little tune from one’s childhood and seamlessly associate youthful hopes of a flourishing humanity with a bottled drink!  No doubt about it, Coca cola has given us a little love with their new ad, and we can be sure what this means for them.

Indeed, I was gleefully humming this tune from Bugsy Malone hours later while popping out to get me some bubbly brown stuff.  Didn’t manage to stop any thieves from stealing old ladies’ handbags though and now I come to think of it, there definitely weren’t any policemen forming human pyramids…  Maybe that happens the more you buy…  Must live the dream.  Must buy more coke.

Home Office Fire Prevention

Fronted by Julie Walters, the “Pull Your Finger Out!” campaign from the Home Office Fire Prevention team warning homeowners to fit working smoke alarms certainly made me take a minute to check if mine needed new batteries.

A world away from the “down-to-earth” good time girl of the Asda ads, which let’s face it, basically strings together minute clips of mildly funny quips from Walters “mucking in” with Asda staff and customers to promote the “feel good” shopping experience – note: there’s no doubt in my mind that she took a long soak in non-Asda bubble bath, gulping non-Asda wine to get over the strain of non-spontaneous, positively forced “hilarity” of the day’s filming – the Home Office ad relies on a decent script that is capably performed, and it works.  Short, to the point and effective, Miss Walters is doing here what she does best, effortlessly switching from light and frothy to desperately bleak, which is chillingly underlined by the camera shot that pans the kitchen to finally reveal its charred remains.   It is certainly a thought-provoking piece.

Though, I will point out, just in case you didn’t notice Julie, your kitchen is, um, actually on fire.  Never mind telling us to pull our finger out.  Stop drinking coffee and chatting!  Look behind you!  Your house is bloomin’ burning down!

For more information on the “Pull Your Finger Out!” campaign, go to www.communities.gov.uk.

Cadbury’s Creme Egg

“Creme Eggs come into the world with a single purpose: to get their goo out.”

So states the testimony on the official website of the new campaign from Cadburys.  The adverts themselves, short animations ending with the fatalistic catchphrase, “Here today, Goo tomorrow”, are based on this school of thought, each one featuring a particularly determined chocolate egg, passionately manipulating household implements including a flip top bin, a blender, an egg slicer, and a hairdryer to achieve its sticky destiny.  Ingenious, self-harming eggs.  I love it. 

An exceptionally early plug for Cadbury’s Creme Egg’s Easter offerings but an entertaining one at that, the brand has once again successfully injected an eccentric nugget of humour into their latest promotion.  Though, mildly concerning when you care to consider the analogy that might quite feasibly be made between these devoted elliptical nutters with their motto ‘In Goo We Trust’ (see the site) and the tactics of some devout fanatics in the current climate in which we live.  But hey, let’s not mix politics with chocolate.

Visit www.cremeegg.co.uk for more things gooey.

Setanta Sports

Oh dear, what a carry on! Setanta Sports’ Christmas ad certainly brings a bit of traditional slap and tickle to the festive season. A little predictable for the male market it’s aimed at though don’t we think? Never mind the expected feminist argument that it’s degrading to women, its clichéd ‘puppies’ joke surely just undermines the contention that sport may actually be considered by its followers as a forward-looking, sophisticated ritual that may in fact require innovative adverts of quality to captivate the intelligence of their customers. Considering the Citroen C4 offering of ice-skating animated robots, you’d think Setanta might be able to at least nudge the boat out.

Still, that’s the trouble with cheap seasonal gags built around old-hat one-liners. They’re never going to blow you away in an exhilarating gust of wonder and they’re not going to leave you grabbing your sides to keep your guts from spilling out as you fall about laughing. That’s not what they’re there for. It’s not really even a case of sex selling – since when were the words ‘a couple of puppies’ used to seduce anyone you know?!

Here we have an instance of unoriginal Sid James-derivative patter generating a brief, pervy snort in the hope that the combination of Des Lynham, that girl from BB who pretended to be Australian and what can only tenuously be described as wordplay (‘Setanta Claus’) keep you entertained long enough for the brand name (mentioned a generous three times in thirty seconds) and their corporate yellow hue to become emblazoned on your memory to surface in a sudden revelation amidst your frantic search on Christmas Eve. Simple? Yes. Effective? Only Christmas sales will tell.

Oxfam Unwrapped


I have been pretty darn confused these past few weeks by the posters lining the tube escalators that consist of black and white photographs of forlorn looking celebs sealed at the mouth by a solitary red ribbon.  The likes of Helena Bonham Carter, Helen Mirren and Rob Bryden appealing tearfully to ascending herds of glazed-eyed commuters are actually part of Oxfam’s effective new campaign for alternative Christmas gifts. 

Far from the usual yank of the heartstrings, the ‘Oxfam Unwrapped’ TV advert parodies the customary sob story associated with charity ads. Its gloomy colouring and repetitive poignant piano music make a spoof plea for the poor souls who needlessly receive utter junk at Christmas.  The rapidly sliced shots of mockingly troubled faces keep the tone palatable but the genuine “really, really important message”, which has little to do with gift-disappointment is quite clear.  Spend your money on something decent.

Oxfam’s drive aims to shepherd the rosy cheeks of our consumerist, purse-waving festive frenzy in the direction of useful products for poorer countries.  Rather than smothering our loved ones with unnecessary stuff that gets slyly given away to people we don’t really like in January or put up on a shelf only to gather dust, we can instead drop our Christmas coins into a gracious till and buy tools, fertilizer or a toilet for a community in poverty. If the holiday must be about excessively pouring vast amounts of money into a black hole, let it be a hungry mouth, a vegetable patch or a loo for a poverty stricken village.  Kind of makes sense when put like that, doesn’t it?  Plus, think of the jaw-ache everyone will avoid minus all that fake smiling.

Sony HD Digital Camera

How terrifying would it be if everyone in the street were to start grinning and thrusting their pelvises in your direction as you made your way home one day!  Imagine the psychological strain the morning after a heavy Friday night out as you try and keep your head down and prevent the mild nausea in your belly from taking physical form until you make it home, shower and sleep it off but people around you insist on fuelling your confusion and “working you baby” – now that would be the walk of shame from hell!

An imaginatively mesmeric new ad from Sony set to the soundtrack of Justin vs. Simian’s ‘Never Be Alone’ advertising their High Definition digital camera, the tag line, “ready when you are” promotes the latest in high-speed imaging technology. 

Its enchanting yet disjointed, ‘Donnie Darko’ feel (Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike, slo-mo camerawork, strange sexualised school girls etc.) is especially effective in depicting the compelling creepiness of the narcissism that the camera brings out in everyone.  I certainly don’t believe that they’re all his “friends”, particularly not that little girl blowing bubblegum aka one half of ‘The Shining’ twins or the zombie-like bloke on the bus who looks like he might start devouring the guy’s neck at any given moment.  Perhaps this is just what the average paparazzi guy has to go through when he pops out for a loaf of bread in Primrose Hill – “look, I’m not taking a photo of you just now ok?!”

Tesco F & F


Doesn’t this ad just make you wish you had a valid excuse to stride fabulously through a room and coolly pour a drink over someone at a glamorous party!  No doubt about it, the new ad from Tesco with its air of French chic, is edgier than their last effort.  The previous commercial, featuring a girl on horseback galloping through woodland while frivolously spattering mud on her flowing frock was a blissful depiction of the romance of beautiful excess.  However, this one’s altogether more ruthless in its portrayal of expendability – both Tesco’s cheap F & F range and lovers alike that is. 

Sexy and empowered, the wronged woman takes a leaf out of her husband’s book, effortlessly disposing first of her wedding ring and then her stained dress in an assertion of indignant invincibility.  Her catapulted drink - note: the same sort that her hubbie’s new bit of stuff throws back at her - echoes this ‘getting rid’ theme that sums up the value that Tesco clearly place on their clothing in general - the capacity to be replaced.
 
The trouble is it kind of leaves you wondering whether it’s just a bit brutal on your wardrobe.  Ok, so by throwing out your barely worn clothes at any given chance you might be able to maintain your cool but what did the clothes ever do to deserve such dismissive treatment?!  No, I think I’d have to prearrange with a friend to slyly pick up my dress after my grand exit and whack it in the washing machine for next time!

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