The Award Winning Worst of UK TV

March 4, 2013 by  
Filed under Features

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For those of you who don’t know, the Golden Raspberry Awards, or ‘Razzies’ are basically the Oscars’ ugly cousin. Awarding prizes to the worst films of the past year, the Razzies have become almost as well-known as their serious counterparts. However, Hollywood’s been banged to rights enough. There’s some absolute rubbish on British television, and if there was a UK TV version, you can bet that these shows would be nominated.

Big Brother
It’s hard to imagine, but Big Brother was once an edgy and new concept, way back in the day when people used the term ‘social experiment’ unironically. Now it’s a tired old cash cow. No-one watches it, probably because they don’t want to see boring z-listers alternately flirt and talk shit about each other. Even spying on a page 3 girl as she getting her massive tits out at every opportunity couldn’t up their ratings last series. A definite Razzie contender, but it’d probably be better for it to die quietly, alone.

Live at the Apollo
Apart from the occasional gem, it’s a primetime slot filled completely with observational rubbish from big-name (unfunny) comedians. More recently, it’s been a platform for ailing celebs in the front row to try and revive their waning fame. Here’s looking at you Kerry Katona (no joke, Kerry Katona was actually on Live at the Apollo once). Live at the Apollo just stands for everything that’s mediocre in British comedy, which is most of it. The omnipresence of the ‘zany’ Michael MacIntyre-style routines pretty much makes this a sure bet.

Miranda
Starring Miranda ‘omg lols I’m so clumsy and hopeless’ Hart, it’s the sort of mindless garbage that they show to lobotomised people as part of the process of teaching them to laugh again. Still, it’s done pretty well for a show that people only laugh at because they’re following the lead of the moronic studio audience who recorded the laugh track. A good prediction for ‘Most Average BBC Sitcom’, narrowly beating Not Going Out to the top spot.

BBC3′s Free Speech
Question Time for the snapchat generation. With an audience made up of clones of Rik from The Young Ones and web freedom nerds, it sees itself as a haven of free speech and democratic ideals. It’s actually just a BBC3 slot where morons say “blah blah blah blah blah, but the bankers get away scot free!?? to some bemused government staffer while the braindead audience clap like trained seals.

Derek
The worst show on British television by a pretty wide margin, and Ricky Gervais’ inevitable shark-jump. Derek has pretentions of being touching and thought-provoking, but instead is unfunny, often downright offensive tripe TV.

Oscar Wilde wrote in 1889 that “life imitates art?. After seeing Karl Pilkington in a comedy wig, just like Ray Stokes in ‘When the Whistle Blows’, Ol’ Oscar’s words have never rung so true. Any show that’s mostly made up of Gervais sticking his tongue behind his bottom lip and doing a ‘mong’ voice like a cruel playground bully surely deserves a Razzie.

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Chris says:

Really? Of all the shite that is on the telly, you chose Derek? Wow. I’m guessing this is because you need to get your voice out there as someone who is shitting on a good thing. There always has to be that one guy and you want to be it. Congrats.