Cherry Healey – How To Get a Life Review: Errmm..

June 21, 2012 by  
Filed under Reviews

CHERRY HEALEY – HOW TO GET A LIFE: Wednesday 20th June, BBC4, 9pm

If you’re anything like Cherry Healey, you probably want answers to all of life’s fundamental questions. Questions, Cherry explains, like “Does my bum look big in this?? or “Do I need a Brazilian??

You know, all the important stuff.

Didn’t have any of those kind of questions in mind? Well, remember, this isn’t a Camus novel. This, unfortunately, is a BBC Three documentary series, where “life’s fundamental questions? actually means “trivial, tedious inquiries into what it’s like to be a generic young person?.

The big question this week: is it better to be single or settled?

Cherry starts her investigation by telling the cameras of how she used to go to wild club nights and crazy raves in her youth, but now that she’s married, she just stays in and watches television.

“I am happy,? she insists. “But am I now a bit boring??

Her pondering leads her on the case of a horny youth hostel manager, who confesses to being a bit of a ladies man.

“Ballpark figure,? he says. “I reckon I’ve slept with about 80 women.?

He even has a map of the world up in his office, decorated with pins that denote where his favourite f*cking locations are. We’re even treated to some footage of him subjecting two lucky ladies to his “charm?, which has little to do with charisma and much to with constant, unrelenting persistence.

Still, it pays off somehow and he ends up sucking the face off of one very lucky lady, much to the annoyance of one of his other victims. When she cries, he dismisses her reaction as her being “tired and emotional?.

Frankly, he’s a completely dick, but a happy one we’re told. Never mind his evident deep-seated problems with women or the fact that he looks like an owl that’s tried to dry its feathers with a hair dryer which is stuck on the “twat? setting. Never mind all that. Let’s move on.

To contrast, we meet somebody who’s unlucky in love. His friends call him “the opener? because he’s great at chatting up girls, but terrible at tricking them into having sex with him.

We also meet a young couple that don’t believe in monogamy.

“What’s the best thing about a threesome?? Cherry asks the man in the relationship — or small boy rather.

“Two girls!? he says, without hesitation.

Well, obviously, but not two guys mind, he’s quick to point out. He’s fine taking advantage of their open relationship, just so long as he doesn’t have to look at another man naked. Other than this, we don’t learn much else about the couple, who both openly admit that their lack of monogamy is merely an excuse to sleep with other people.

So did the programme answer the question it set out? Not really. The people featured are all very much at transitional periods in their lives, no sure where they’re going to go next.

The programme opens with the vague implication that it’s going to attempt to answer one of “life’s fundamental questions?, but within seconds descends into a gaudy, Bravo-standard excuse to peep into the lives of some very horny young people. It’s almost entertaining at times, but mostly it’s just very difficult to watch.

Larry says:

“Frankly, he’s a completely dick, but a happy one we’re told. Never mind his evident deep-seated problems with women or the fact that he looks like an owl that’s tried to dry its feathers with a hair dryer which is stuck on the “twat? setting. Never mind all that. Let’s move on.”

He really does look like a very ugly owl. Fantastic insight. lol

Larry says:

It just shows you, the guy who’d lost loads of weight and did the online dating was 1000 times better-looking than ‘Matty’ yet couldn’t get very far with women because he didn’t have an inflated ego. Just shows you how stupid girls are that they buy the false bravado of big-chinned freaky-looking chaps like ‘Matty’. lol

Larry says:

Wow, that Matt guy is pretty ugly. What a ginormous chin. Just shows you,anyone can pull dirty chavettes. And some of us have standards.

Philip malone says:

That matty bellend only got women in bed solely for the fact he could bribe them with a room and shower, the only reason they went near him was for that.. he had serious overbite and a face like a brick owl.

There’s sleeping with 80′s slags or ugly birds and bragging about it, then theres all the normal people who dont make up for being a twat by just keeping it to themselves

Samuel Buca says:

Oh yeah and the Essex girl was a skank who obviously didn’t get enough attention from her father as a child!

Samuel Buca says:

I think ‘Matty’ really needs to grow up. It’s pretty tragic watching a 27 year old man acting like a 16y/o pubescent teenager. His behaviour just demonstrated his immaturity and disregard for the opposite sex. Get used to being “happy” and single my friend, just hope you can still pull it off when you’re in your 50′s and look even more like Jimmy Hill pmsl.

Dave says:

Anyone that shortens Matthew to Matty has to be a bit of c*ck

Hol says:

What are you on about. This guy is spot on. I caught 5 minutes of this and realised it was a bag of extremely smelly turd. That anyone would think that makes good TV is whats wrong with the world. I cringe at being human when I watch things like that. So shhh your comment just makes you look doubly silly.

Latty Mynch says:

*you’re.

Jack says:

Why would I mention the “Essex bird”, as you put it? Matty, you stole the show with your little map of places where you’ve fucked women. And perhaps you’re right. Maybe I am the dickhead. Maybe I could learn from you. I should behave appallingly towards women and get myself a trendy feathered haircut.

This is what I secretly dream of. I want to be an obnoxious serial lady fucker, just like you. But alas I have to stay at home and talk to my ugly girlfriend, all the while jealously watching pure, unadulterated feathered perfection on BBC Three.

Matty Lynch says:

Well an interesting view on the show! I see that I really got your on your nerves on this one ? not even a message about the essex bird which i find amusing!! you must not shred of confidence and can only sit at home with nothing better to do then talk to your ugly (if you even have one) bird and slate people having the time of their lives. Your the dickhead