Maisie To Leave Emmerdale

June 30, 2010 by  
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Alice Coulthard has announced that she will be leaving Emmerdale, leaving thousands of disappointed fans in her wake.

Earlier in the year her character Maisie Wylde had suffered an enormous breakdown after discovering her lover was in fact her half-brother. Despite the drama the storyline generated producers have promised to up their game for Maisie’s exit with promises of lots of “twists and turns? to come.

Coulthard told reporters: “I feel privileged to have been involved in some of the show’s most gripping storylines and I’m excited to be a part of the drama that is about to unfold for the Wyldes.”

Coulthard leaves the show having played Maisie for two years and has cited a desire to find work in London as the main reason behind her decision to exit the soap.

The Bionic Vet: Rise Of The Machines

June 30, 2010 by  
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THE BIONIC VET: Wednesday 30th June, BBC1, 10.45pm ALERT ME

Judging from the title, you’d expect the future to have arrived. The future where the machines rise up against humanity and crush us all under their metal heels, the future that James Cameron imagined before he started hugging trees and talking about the great cosmic harmony of life. Either that or it could be the precursor to Grant Morrison’s wonderful graphic novel miniseries We3 where domestic animals are made into superweapons.

Disappointingly, it’s not like that at all, there’s not a rabbit with a rocket launcher in sight. The series is about Noel Fitzpatrick, a pioneering vet who’s “pushing the boundaries of animal and human medicine? – that narrative statement gave me hope – maybe he’d be doing both at the same time? A half-human, half-gerbil crossbreed perhaps? Read More…

‘Spooks But With Identity Theft’: New Trailer

June 30, 2010 by  
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Apart from the economy, immigration, and the state of the national football team, it seems that the only thing we worry about these days is whether some ethically bankrupt invidual is going to rob our personal documents and run up thousands of pounds worth of debt to add to the thousands of pounds of debt we ran up ourselves.

Well they may have just had the worst day in the history of the establishment, but ITV are planning to bounce back with new drama Identity. Starring Aidan Gillen and Keeley Hawes, this Spooksesque programme tells the tale of an elite group of police officers who track criminals who use the identities of others to lie, steal and even kill!

Identity starts on Monday at 9pm on ITV1

Sunday: ITV’s Worst Ratings For 55 Years!

June 30, 2010 by  
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If last Sunday was a very depressing day for you, then the chances are you are either a massive England fan, were admitted to hospital with sun-stroke or work at ITV.

Yes, as the mercury rose and England crashed out of the World Cup to ze Germans last weekend, ITV received one of the worst set of viewing figures it has ever recorded since its creation in 1955. Bosses at the channel claim they were hit by a “perfect storm” of glorious weather and a massive football match, but they declined to comment on their s**t programming.

“No one was expecting us to do particularly well on Sunday and when the mercury started rising earlier in the week, we expected the worst. You could say it was the perfect storm – great weather and great football on the BBC,” an insider told The Sun. “People were faced with two choices – stay in and watch the Beeb or go out and get a tan.”

Less than 1 in 10 people bothered watching ITV during the day with one programme pulling in a pathetic 30,000 viewers, and a repeat of Poirot, Lewis and the film Wimbledon lost out to the football and the new Top Gear. England vs Germany was comfortably the most popular TV event of the as 17.8million viewers (76%) tuned in.

This is of course not the first bad news for the commercial station which comically cut to an ad break and missed England’s first goal against the US before becoming embroiled in a ticket scandal with FIFA.

Does Minogue Still Have The X-Factor?

June 30, 2010 by  
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The world is drowning in the collective tears of the Earth’s populace – Dannii Minogue has revealed that it is not yet confirmed whether or not she will be returning to her throne at The X-Factor for the next series.

The less talented Minogue has had to forgo the audition stages of this year’s competition as she is currently pregnant with partner Kris Smith. Despite this the crap Minogue is still expected to return on a whopping £700,000 salary.

Minogue yawned through the thick cloud of her own mediocrity: “All that’s happened is I’ve met them. They’re expressing an interest for me to come back and I’m expressing an interest to come back. We have to see if we can make it work.”

Caoimhe Up For Eviction

June 30, 2010 by  
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STOP THE PRESS – Caoimhe is up for eviction this week after sensational scenes that saw the housemate doubled crossed by fellow contestant Dave, a demented monk.

After a special task imaginatively called Your Face On TV, nominated housemates were given the chance to avoid the public vote if they won the challenge.

Dave, Shabby and Sunshine were required to stand in front of a jigsaw puzzle of their own face (an improvement for some when still in a state of disarray) and unscramble it in order to win the task.

In the end Dave won the challenge and nominated Caoimhe, the second time he has managed to save himself from eviction in three weeks. Good to have God on your side it seems…

Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show Clip

June 29, 2010 by  
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Yopu may have seen Lee Nelson’s Well Godd Show over the last couple of weeks, if not brace yourselves for “proper mad? fun as irrepressible South London geeza Lee “Nelsy” Nelson does a passable Ali G impression.

The creation of critically-acclaimed character comedian Simon Brodkin, Nelsy gets in among the excitable studio audience in this brand new show, entertaining them with cheeky banter and all manner of daft games, ably assisted by his best mate, and “fat legend”, Omelette.

Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show unleashes tales of mischief-making, dubious life lessons and general scallywaggery. You can watch the first 2 episodes in full and find out more about Lee Nelson and Simon’s other characters on the BBC website at www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00spmfp

Ex-Big Brother ‘Stars’ To Earn Just £1.25 An Hour

June 29, 2010 by  
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A gaggle of former Big Brother housemates have been signed up to re-enter the house in this August’s ‘Best of the Best’ showdown and agreed a fee of £30 a day for their involvement.

“The producers know how keen some of the ex-housemates are to go back on telly. Some of them will do it for peanuts,” one producer told The Sun. “It’s not about the money for them, it’s about being in the limelight again.”

Some of the most ‘famous’ stars of Big Brother over the last decade will be entering the house for a two week showdown to find the ultimate champion. But some big names from the past such as Brian Dowling, Kate Lawler and Cameron Stout, 39 – winners of BB2, BB3 and BB4 – have turned down offers.

Unsurprisingly Celeb Big Brother champs Jack Dee, Mark Owen and Alex Reid, 34 have also confirmed that they have knocked back deals from producers, although we are assuming theirs were better than minimum wage. However whining favourite Nikki Grahame, BB8 winner Brian Belo, 22, and blind BB9 runner-up Mikey Hughes, have said they want to take part.

The Untold Battle of Britain Review: Polish Aces

June 29, 2010 by  
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BLOODY FOREIGNERS – THE UNTOLD BATTLE OF BRITAIN: Tuesday 29th June, Channel 4, 9pm ALERT ME

Channel 4 continues its new series of history programmes tonight. So far, The Untold.. seems intent on proving that some of the greatest British military victories have been nothing more than the achievements of a handful of foreigners – which we have enthusiastically claimed the credit for. Well sort of..

As you might have worked out, this episode deals with the subject of Winston Churchill’s most oft-quoted soundbyte. According to old Prime Minister, it was just a few British pilots who saw off the nasty invasion from the massive Luftwaffe, but here we find out that some of the most talented fighter-pilots in the RAF were actually Polish flyers who had fled from their Nazi occupied homeland. Read More…

Molly To Die In Xmas Corrie Twist

June 29, 2010 by  
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It seems the ennui of being embroiled in one of the longest running storylines in the history of Coronation Street will finally send Molly Dobbs over the edge at the end of the year.

ITV bosses confirmed that the character (played by Vicky Binns) will be killed off in a Christmas storyline which ties in with Binn’s departure from the show.

Executive producer Phil Collinson was the first to discuss a death in Weatherfield when he posted a piece on the official Coronation Street website: “I don’t want to give too much away, but there’s going to be a dead body on Coronation Street.”

“It’s going to be a death that will affect a couple of our most significant characters in a way that will hopefully be really surprising and exciting. It’s the beginning of a story that’s going to take us across the next year.”

We can only assume that he meant to say ‘years’ rather than ‘year’. Molly began an affair with hubby Tyrone’s boss Kevin a year ago and a rather implausible car crash as well as the obligatory cancer story have been the only real flashpoints in a central story. Looks like we might be waiting for another 6 months for progress on this one…

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