British Soap Awards Preview: EastEnders Cleans Up
The British Soap Awards returns on Wednesday to officially reveal all the baddies, goodies, sexiness and bizarre deaths of soap world. Philip Schofield will be presenting his furiously dyed teeth for a 7:30 pm slot on ITV to show all the lather from the past year of omnibus telly.
The first thing I have learnt recently is that Eastenders is the top dog. The second thing: Doctors is recognised as a prize worthy soap. Who’s watching it?
The only people near a telly with half an hour to kill at 1:45pm in the middle of the week are students and alcoholic housewives. Neither, I suspect, would have much sway at an awards ceremony.
Anyway, with the results already collated and announced, if you have a slight interest in soaps, you’ll be aware of the awards dominance of Eastenders. Winning 10 accolades, including Best Soap, the Cockney drama came out on top amongst Corrie, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks and Doctors as the nation’s best-loved mock docu-life.
Soapland is an odd place. This is a realm where you win an award for being sexier than characters in other overly eventful, faux worlds. There are of course more traditional rewards, such as best actor (won by Eastender Scott Maslen), but it’s the other things only recognized by soaps that grab my attention.
‘Best Exit’ is a good one. So, well done to Charlie Clements off Eastenders: you are the best at exiting. All that practice of coming into rooms, only to leave them again has paid off. No one beats Charlie for exiting, which kind of makes me think people don’t like him.
‘Best storyline’ is another interesting award you’ll be viewing on your telly box come Wednesday. After perusing the storyline list; we get a perfect representation of the ridiculous spectrum of problems only soap writers can conjure up. Peter’s Alcoholism, Zara’s Revenge, Who Killed Archie?, and my favourite: Aaron’s Gay Self-Loathing are all up for winning. For all I know, each apart from Who Killed Archie? could have been filmed in silence with the person in question solitarily acting out their personal issue. I don’t watch soaps, so maybe this is the case…which would explain why Eastenders’ Who Killed Archie? is the victor here. Much more exciting, I would suggest, than Peter getting pissed, or poor Aaron in a room sporadically sighing about his sexuality.
If you’re a soap buff, then you’ll already know to tune in 7.30 pm on Wednesday, ITV. If not – I suggest you do anyway, even if it’s to gawp at the Hollyoaks shamelessly ‘fit’ cast or gorge on deaths, affairs and punch-ups with an insane grin on your face.
If you’re a student or an alcoholic (arguably one and the same thing), pour yourself another pint of wine and you’ll enjoy whatever spews from your screen. Even Doctors.