All At Sea Review: Will Make You Heave

May 13, 2010 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

ALL AT SEA: Thursday 13th May, ITV1, 9pm ALERT ME

The concept of All At Sea reads like this: two teams – each comprised of three ‘celebrities’ – will travel 300 miles around the southern coast of England for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Amongst this gaggle of non-entities are Dawn Porter (who now owns a production company called Hot Patootie TV – ‘Patootie’ is slang for arse), Bradley Walsh and Richard Madeley who is described in the voice over as being “without Judy for the first time in 21 years?. This is either a brave new career move for Madeley or the rumours are true and Judy is s***ting herself somewhere in an alcoholic stupor. Or they’re getting divorced. Meanwhile, back at sea…

It is customary nowadays that any celebrity appearing in a programme must be made to suffer to some extent so the producers have come up with a ‘punishment’ that a temp working at Big Brother would be embarrassed to suggest: put them on alternating ships ranging from the luxurious to the trawler variety and attempt to brew some animosity.

Once this element is introduced the show finally falls apart after all of 10 minutes. Is this a documentary, a reality show or a famous person’s mild endurance test? If it’s the latter anyone who enjoyed the sadism of I’m A Celebrity… will be disappointed by the lack of distress. It fails further as a documentary due to the absence of a central concept other than to show some aesthetically pleasing shots of the sea.

Despite some occasionally nice photography that compliments the coastlines and undulating waves, the presence of these celebrities and their trite remarks will soon have you reaching for the remote. Rosemary Shrager observes at one point that the Cornish cliffs have the appearance of someone having “broken bread?. Mark Durden- Smith then enquires: “You mean a baguette?? Unfortunately this is probably the most interesting exchange in the whole show.

Frighteningly this is the first installment of three – how the show will sustain itself is genuinely puzzling as this ship ran out of steam before it had barely left the harbour.