Election 2010: The Votes Are In!
ELECTION 2010: Thursday 6th May, BBC1, 9.55pm ALERT ME
If like us, you are bored of watching an idealistic young hippy, a vague posh boy and a slack-jawed pensioner argue about who will f**k the country up the most in the next five years, then your pain is nearly over.
After months of mud-slinging, finger-pointing, nay-saying and some unashamedly audacious headlines from The Daily M**l (“Clegg In Nazi Britain Slur”) the votes are in and we will have a new government to gripe at by the weekend. Or will we?
Despite a seemingly unassailable lead in the polls a couple of months back, David Cameron’s bid to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory has lead to an uncommon amount of rabbling about hung parliaments and tactical voting etc.
To the unlearned political observer ‘tactical voting’ might appear to be a phenonenon invented by the Conservatives to explain why some people don’t vote for them. This has come as a surprise to the other parties who up until recently had been labouring under the illusion that they had been winning seats in Parliament because some voters liked their policies. However, after realising that this ‘tactical voting’ malarchy could rescue an election campaign that has been more unpopular than the decision to release Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi, Labour (and Ed Balls in particular) have taken to the scam like the proverbial duck to water in recent weeks.
Put simply, this general election could be the closest in recent memory (no great feat when you consider the utter ineptitude of one main party in every election for the last 30 years) and this is your chance to watch history unfold from the comfort of your living room. Kind of.
So what can we expect from tonight’s eight-and-a-half hour marathon of political drama? In truth, a lot of chat. Swingometers swinging feverishly, returning officers ending political careers and David Dimbleby, Jeremy Paxman and Jeremy Vine et al. sitting in a massive studio guzzling red bull and declaring what could happen “if this result is reflected on a national level..” every 10 minutes. Only a couple of us will make it all the way through – but let’s get this thing over with for another 6 months/5 years*
*delete as appropriate tomorrow morning…