Deadliest Catch Review: Fishy Tales
DEADLIEST CATCH: Tuesday 20th April, Discovery Channel, 9pm ALERT ME
On paper, Deadliest Catch doesn’t sound that entertaining. After all, how exciting could extreme fishing actually be?
But five minutes in, you quickly realise that to even survive on the ocean, you’re going to have to be tougher than nails embedded in reinforced concrete.
It’s the beginning of the season and the ships are taking on new crews before heading out onto the choppy waters of the Bering Sea, in search of the orange gold of king crabs. It’s a tough job requiring tough crew members – which is probably why every fisherman on the boat sounds like they’ve been drinking turpentine and smoking cigars made of refined tar.
There’s high tension aboard the Cornelia Marie as the Harris brothers argue so much that one of them is considering transferring to another boat. The restlessness extends between ships too – as one of the captains accuses the other of poaching crew members, ending up in a minor scuffle.
The crews spend a lot of time discussing things while standing around a burning oil drum and shouting at each other, making the whole thing seem like pre-match smack talk at WWF for hobos.
It’s at this point you start to wonder if they’re, you know, going to be doing any fishing at any point – so far it’s just the world’s grittiest soap opera for men with beards and catarrh. There’s also so much swearing that the number of bleeps makes the show sound like the Channel 4 sound test.
When they finally do get to sea, there’s the traditional hazing of the new recruit (raw herring surprisingly isn’t that appetising) and a close-cut disaster – a mooring rope comes loose and a half ton fishing pod almost kills someone, prompting yet more swearing.
There’s also the rescue of the crew of a capsized ship and it’s here that the danger of the job becomes starkly apparent. Three minutes in the freezing waters will send anyone to Davey Jones’s locker, so if they’d been any later, the crew would have drowned.
Deadliest Catch is certainly more exciting than it sounds, but it spends more time being a land-based soap opera injected with more testosterone than Sylvester Stallone in Rocky IV, than out on the seven seas actually catching anything. More dangerous crab catching next time and less male-centric bitching please lads. And no, I wouldn’t say that to their faces.