The Door Review: Door Oh Door

April 1, 2010 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

THE DOOR: Friday April 2nd, ITV1, 9pm ALERT ME

Who doesn’t like watching celebrities suffer? Let’s face it, we’re all jealous of their success, so we feel vindicated when they’re being made to feel uncomfortable which accounts for the success of Australian torture simulator I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

Now there’s a whole new reason to rub your hands together with sadistic glee as ITV’s The Door pits six celebrities against their fears to win 25 grand for charity.

The celebs in question are ex-Boyzone singer and current Corrie star Keith Duffy, actress Louisa Lytton, presenter Michael Underwood, Saturdays singer Frankie Sandford, perpetual pariah Dean Gaffney and Corrie actress Jennie McAlpine.

Together they’re thrown into a series of challenges which lurk behind the titular door and sees the contestants scrabbling through garbage, sifting through rat infested sewers to find keys and rummaging around in spider-infested mason jars to escape their miniature prisons.

It’s presented by Chris Tarrant and Amanda Holden who peer through the camera at the contestants and give the blandest of bland commentary on what’s going on. Tarrant sounds more like a dad sitting around a campfire trying to scare his kids and Holden says absolutely nothing of any worth – a recurring theme judging from her last TV appearances.

Every time they begin a new challenge, subtitles flash up on screen which tell us where they’re supposed to be – “Area 51? or “Federal Penitentiary, Panama? with a voice over saying that “The Door has transported them to a classified location? – presumably in the same way that my front door “transports? me outside my house every morning.

Enough with pathetic attempts at realism – get to torturing the celebs already!

The challenges themselves are more disgusting than scary but as unnerving as some of them are, you can’t help but feel that that a few of the celebs are in need of a good slap. Louisa Lytton in particular is a total wuss – she seems to be utterly terrified of everything; it’s a miracle she doesn’t have a minor panic attack every time she blinks from being scared of the dark.

It’s also incredible that Dean Gaffney is able to get through to the next round; every time he’s on camera, you just hear the sound of him trying not to be sick. Still, it sounds better than the last Saturdays single.

Only Keith Duffy seems to be man enough to get through things without blubbing like a little girl and should comfortably win the final on Saturday night.

Sadly my dream of chaining them all to a radiator and forcing them to hack their own legs off in a re-enactment of Saw will probably remain only a fantasy. But a guy can dream though right?