Missing Review: Afternoon Delight

March 15, 2010 by  
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MISSING: Monday 15th March, BBC 1, 2.15pm ALERT ME

If ever there’s an incentive to get out the house and find a job it’s daytime television.

In a land where Jeremy Kyle and David Dickinson rein supreme dwells a ‘crime drama’ called Missing, now amazingly in its second series.

With acting so wooden and a script so hackneyed, it has to be seen to be believed and will make you laugh out loud for all the wrong reasons.

The show is set in a missing persons unit headed by mumsy Detective Sergeant Croft (Pauline Quirke). It’s not long before the phone rings with a call from a frantic mum.

Despite only answering with “Try and stay calm.” MJ (as the detective likes to be known) has a disappeared daughter’s full name, address, age, school and time she was last seen. Speedy work Detective.

MJ and her two telegenic underlings crack on with the case. There’s only one piece of evidence to go on. A pencil case dropped at the point of abduction.

“She loves this thing she saved up for it herself” says her dumb mum (Brook Kinsela). No wonder she ran away – poor girl has to buy her own school supplies! But seriously – where’s she gone and why?

Could she be running from shady step-dad (Gary Lucy) or could her biological father have snatched her?

Unfortunately neither is the case. The little kid ran away because her family might be moving to Reading (having visited I can completely sympathise) and real dad was just taking her on a quick holiday.

Of course MJ has a lot more on her plate then just tracking down the missing girl. There’s her boss who, to make this appear like a hard-boiled police station, is always butting in and trying to hand things over to CSI. Looking and talking just like Moira Stewart, she just wanders round saying things like “remember the chain of command? in a serious voice.

The weird world of daytime telly is usually best avoided but this show is so bad it’s good. It’s almost worth missing work for.