Eurovision – Your Country Needs You Review: What’s The Point? Nul

March 12, 2010 by  
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EUROVISION – YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU: Friday 12th March, 8.30pm ALERT ME

Six acts will be battling it out tonight for the privilege of representing the UK at the Eurovision song contest.

And what a privilege – Frances Ruffelle, Nicki French and Clodagh Rodgers did it in the past and they’re certainly not names you forget in a hurry.

This year pop-impresario Pete Waterman and producer Mike Stock have written the song (which get its first airing on the show) and there’s an expectation that it will do even better than the Andrew Lloyd Webber effort that came fifth last year.

Whittling down the six acts to three is a panel of judges made up of Waterman, last year’s entry Jade Ewen and bizarrely that ultra-camp Italian off of Strictly Come Dancing – Bruno Tonioli. After the three best acts have performed, the phone lines will be thrown open for a public vote.

They’re never going to win but here are the six acts hoping to make their mark in Oslo (it always seems to be there doesn’t it?):

Alexis Gerred – goes to drama school but has never worked professionally. The 20-year-old (like nearly everyone on these kind of shows) has “no passion for anything else?.

Josh Dubovie – doesn’t have Alexis’ looks but currently gets paid work at charity evenings and sports events. The 19 year-old has been performing since he was nine.

Esma Akkilic – like all the best British entries isn’t British at all. Esma comes from a Kurdish family and grew up in Austria. This Celine Dion fan (oh dear) is still in sixth form and the youngest of the six.

Karen Harding – her claim to fame is beating Joe McElderry in a singing contest. Obviously not the X Factor but an unsigned act competition in the UK’s culture capital of Durham. The 18-year-old has a smile to sell sofas.

Uni5 – we don’t quite get what their name’s all about but this mixed-sex group look like they’re straight from the cast of Hollyoaks (and if this Eurovision malarkey doesn’t work out there’s jobs going there). They have formed especially for the show.

Miss Fitz – geddit? Misfits, Miss Fitz – genius. This all-female three piece may look familiar to some viewers – they appeared on X Factor last year. They’re the bookies favourite but will they be yours?

It’s a real shame the UK doesn’t try something really off-the-wall for once like Finland’s hard-rocking 2006 winner. But dull and monotonous is what Eurovision is all about. If Pete Waterman’s past tunes are anything to go by it won’t be long before you’re uttering the lyrics of Nicki French’s 2000 effort – “Don’t Play That Song Again”.