Dancing On Ice: The Slippery Slope Of The C-Lister

January 8, 2010 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

3Mucca300DANCING ON ICE: Friday 8th January, ITV1, 9pm ALERT ME

If this weather continues, you’ll be able to have Dancing On Ice on your local pond. Probably best not to put that spangly leotard on in public though – some people value their eyes.

Torvill and Dean are back to train the celebs for series five of the slidefest, with silver fox (doesn’t that make him sound like some kind of superhero?) Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby (who hopefully won’t be falling too far out of her dress this season) also returning to host.

The judging panel are the same as the ever including harsh but fair Jason Gardiner. Ruthie Henshall won’t be returning though; she’ll be replaced by perpetual smile and ex-Spice Girl Emma Bunton.

Now, on to the celebs, and what a motley crew they are this year. Hopefully none of them will be quite as irritating as Ray Quinn was last season whose insufferable smugitude was almost at Simon Cowell levels.

Heather Mills is the most high profile contestant this year. Amusingly in her ITV introduction on the official site, she’s described merely as a “Charity Campaigner? and not “highly profiled muck-raking ex-wife of one of the most famous pop stars ever, Paul McCartney? which is what most people know her as. Is it me, or did it just get even colder in here?

The new series will feature the usual assembly of soap stars who’ll make you go “oh yeah…isn’t he that bloke from thingy?? including Danny Young from Corrie, Hayley Tamaddon from Emmerdale, Kieron Richardson from Hollyoaks, Jeremy Sheffield from Holby City, Gary Lucy from The Bill and much-publicised ex-cokehead Daniella Westbrook. If they all get voted off, they could get together and create their own soap – “Arguments On Ice? or something.

There’s also the lovely Inbetweeners star Emily Atack (whose name sounds like a Pokémon command – “Emily! Atack!?)

GMTV Doctor Hilary Jones (looking frighteningly like Chris De Burgh minus the eyebrows in the recent ITV1 advert) will be lacing up his skates – he should come in handy if perpetual panto performer Bobby Davro stacks it. And ex-Olympic swimmer Sharron Davies’s physical training should prove useful for all the acrobatic lifts.

Holding up the end for the popstars are Boyzone singer Mikey Graham (cue dancing montages to his own songs) and 80s singer Sinitta (back on our screens due to her involvement with Simon Cowell). A bit of Sinitta trivia for you: did you know she once dated lantern-jawed hunkster Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt to Simon Cowell…hmm…

Gordon Ramsay’s wife Tana is also making an appearance on the show and she must be cacking herself because Gordon’ll probably tear her a new one if she doesn’t win. It’d be worth it to see him drop F-bombs on a shocked Phil Schofield though.

It’ll be appropriate viewing when the season starts. Catch it if you aren’t too busy trying to get home in the snow and can stomach more frosty frolics on the telly when you get in. I’m off to practise my triple-spinning toeless lutz in the garden.