Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas Review: Cut-Price Turkey

December 8, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

1kirstie300KIRSTIE’S HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS: Tuesday 8th December, Channel 4, 8pm ALERT ME

Christmas is well and truly on its way, and Kirstie Allsop can’t wait. But with all the shopping panic and money spent, she implores, are we losing sight of its true spirit?

With this in mind, she goes in search of the perfect home-made Christmas – courtesy of Selfridges. By the time she actually gets started, it’s a wonder she’ll be finished by the New Year.

Kirstie begins by showing the viewer a tour of her modest middle-class abode, ‘Meadow Gate’. She then explains in excrutiating detail her plans for each room. Holly for the bannisters, a ‘Magical Kingdom’ for the kids, and with regards to the kitchen, she can take that ‘WOW’ fixture down for a start.

It’s almost as distracting as her Christmas clich├ęs: ‘Christmas will be all wrapped up!’ she tells us, closely followed by ‘You don’t have to go cold Turkey’ and ‘There’s nothing worse than a cracker that doesn’t pull’. Actually, I’m a bit lost on that one.

Five minutes in Kirstie decides it’s all a load of commercialised nonsense after all and goes to London to literally window shop for ideas. Holding a bauble as if it were a planet, she asks, “How was it made, how did they get the glitter on it… the whole thing’s fascinating.” Oh, bloody hell, just buy it already.

Ten minutes in and she’s finally decorating a cake. Well, helping a professional roll out polar bears, which look more like helpless dogs, but oh well, at least she’s trying.

She decides she’s an expert in the world of dough and is let loose on a school in Bristol, where she shows over-excited children how to make decorations with the help of glitter glue and a microwave. “The olive oil stops dough getting too hard, it’s like your mums face cream,” she explains to a bewildered pupil. The look on the boy’s face next to him is like Kirstie’s ‘brilliant’ home-made wreath- priceless, for all the wrong reasons.

Her tip for buying decorations? “Pick out things that don’t immediately look like decorations.” Oh, I’ve had enough. As she walks out the shop with an armful of tat she says will give her pleasure ‘all year round’, you might have to restrain yourself from throwing your home-made bauble at the television. Don’t believe anything this woman says.

As she parades around her newly done-up pad, she tells us, “There’s nothing here that hasn’t been made… or that you couldn’t make!” In fact, the only thing she has made is another episode. God help us all.

Emma Rink

speakeasy says:

Ive got to say, this injection of christmas spirit was much needed this week amidst the dreary beat of politics and budgets. learning how to make polar bears on a cake, was wonderful, although a little unrealistic – snowmen, maybe, snowballs definitely, but polar bear icing decorations…definitely not.
Look, Kirsty may have pranced around creating things us simple folk definitely dont have the time or patience to achieve, actually or the talent, but the real point of the show was to infuse a wonderful fuzzy furball of festivity into our very souls.
This review is well written…in the same way Scrooge was probably good at avoiding the annoying charity workers who stop you in the street trying to get you to commit to a donation.

Sammo says:

Here here ‘No One says’ I thought the programme was great and for the first time this year I felt truly festive after watching. Why spend hours trawling round shopping centres when you can sit in a warm kitchen and attempt to make some xmas goodies with all the family – much more fun!! Bring on more Kirtsy!!

No One says:

Get a grip on it Emma. Just because you have no imagination and only know how to buy things and be over commercialised, don’t think there aren’t plenty of people out there who are sentimental and hold meaning to memories through objects AND who have talent and know design. But you would have to be deep and meaningful with some skill, rather than shallow and self centered and non creative to understand that. I am very offended by your dismissal of Kirstie’s show and artisans in general.