Weekly Soap Awards – 14th November 2009
If there’s one person you don’t want following you around chatting morals in your ear, then it’s Roy Cropper. We tried counting how many different words the human thesauras used for the word ‘dilemma’ this week – but failed miserably.
Poor old Tony, a heart-attack must have been a picnic compared to a couple of minutes with synonym-happy Papa Vocabulary.
Meanwhile pyro-craziness has spread from London to Yorkshire and Sally scoops an award for her spectacular burning of the Church. She also gets special mention for being an absolute nutter, but no-one else in the sticks seems to have noticed this massive character flaw.
We feel like we’re taking crazy pills here…
“I mustn’t do anything to cause suspicion”, she says before calling Pat to re-arrange their plans.
Pat (who seems to have created a strange little mini-bar in her living room) promptly dials 1471 and is connected to Archie – before you can say “viagra overdose” everyone in the Square knows about their illicit and ridiculous affair.
We can see where Grant gets his brains from…
Sally had another go at murdering her love-rival through her apparent weapon of choice (flames) this week.
Unlike Archie Mitchell she managed to set fire to a whole building before returing to watch her handy-work from the comfort of a playground swing – sadly some killjoys rescue Laurel.
Sally was last seen heading to town to buy a flame-thrower…
Don’t ask us why – we’re still trying to work out how any of the stall-owners manage to turn a profit when they have a £50-a-day cafe habit.
This week’s Casanova was Jay Brown and when his pathetic mugging didn’t get him a date, he hatched a plan to romance Lucie Beale at the boxing club. It backfired horribly when she caught him with a right-hander that David Haye would have been proud of.
Unlike young Jay – we saw it coming.
Emmerdale’s answer to goldenballs has looked like a homeless version of Blue’s Duncan for years.
If you think he looks weird at the minute, wait until England’s free-kick specialist starts hitting the town with a Zack Dingle beard.
“I fully accept that it was not you, nor the sausages at fault – but me…”
Roy gets humble.
Ian Beale has been absolutely on fire this week. He got dumped, got drunk and then tried to snog Max’s wife. His daughter may be a snide little hormone storm, but she’s got a point – the man is having a nervous break-down.
After deciding to get a makeover to cheer himself up he gets the wrong idea from Tanya, moves in for the kill and gets a glass of merlot in his boat race.
To be honest Ian, we think a hair-cut might be more urgent than a face-pack – looking like Gareth from The Office has never been popular with the ladies.