Soap Awards Of The Week – 2 November 2009

November 2, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

If you were having a good time last week, spare a thought for the poor Darren Miller. Just like the mother of his ill-fated child at a buffet – he has a lot on his plate.

The mite hasn’t even started revising for his GCSE mocks yet and at this rate, his exam failure is about as predictable as the annual soapland firework safety plot-line.

So which character’s turn is it to get third-degree burns in the name of public welfare this year?

Pull of the Week – Roofer and Michelle (Coronation Street)

Who says romance is dead? After seeing Corrie newbie Jake risk imprisonment for a quick smooch, certainly not us.

The buff handyman quite literally dropped in on the bar-maid as she enjoyed a bath with a bit of Fleetwood Mac, and when her towel fell off, he did what every self-respecting man with a pair of eyes would have done – he gives her a proper snog.

Nice one son!

jake

Unfortunately for Jake, Michelle plays ultra hard-to-get and called the fuzz when he continued his rooftop vigil later that day.

But an afternoon in the cells only strengthened Romeo’s resolve and after streaking into the Rovers he finally got his girl…

Hapless Chump of the Week – Ricky Butcher (Eastenders)

ricky

When it comes to fools, Ricky Butcher would give Forrest Gump himself a run for his money.

If it wasn’t for strict OTB Soap Awards™ rules regarding one catergory per entrant, he could have scooped a prize in for best quote last week when he tried to reassure Sam: “…you’re no thicker than me love.?

Praise indeed.

Anyway, while his sister was shacking up with Ryan and his noseless fiancé was romping with that bent copper Jack Brannigan, he was sitting in the Vic with his pathetic cake having a one man party.

We spot a reunion with Bianca in the pipeline. Poor girl.

Heart-attack of the week – Tony Gordon (Coronation Street)

tony

What a way to go – slumped outside a knickers factory like a man looking for his contact lens.

Unfortunately for Tony Gordon when his cold heart finally packed up, the only people around were a bunch of boy-racing chavs and Ozzie the dog, neither of whom were much use to him.

Was that a smirk we saw on Ozzy’s chops? What goes around comes around Tony…

Worst new character of the Week – Joan (Coronation Street)

With half the cast out of work, you could be forgiven for thinking that when Norris advertised for a shop-assistant the queue of applicants would be longer than a Sunday afternoon omnibus.

Kirk we’re talking to you…

The fact that the owner of the Kabin had to hire someone who didn’t live on the Street tells you just what an annoyingly camp little man he is (the ridiculously named Sheila Wheeler having been sacked recently).

Surely he could have employed someone who averages more than 3 syllables per hour.

Crap outfit of the week – Kelly Crabtree (Coronation Street)

kelly

She may have a nominal role on the street, but she does provides us with another example of soap-writers’ capacity for fun when handing out names – JK Rowling would have been proud of this one.

Kelly thrust herself into the spotlight last week with this horrific little number. It’s like the Riddler left a red sock in the wash…

Comeback of the Week – Nicola (Emmerdale)

Charity Dingle: “Who do you think you are? The Mayor??
Nicola De Souza: “At least I’m not a dirty mare!?

Ah the legendary De Souza wit (well half of it).

Sean Marland

Fresh from robbing all of Rosie’s cash, Corrie’s Craig Kelly isn’t doing to badly in this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. We met up with him and Flavia Cacace for a quick chat…

clive says:

I dont watch the soaps other than to keep the missus sweet but i have to say (from man to man) that it was nice to see a sadistic manly take on the soaps because we have to watch them, its not worth the hassle not to.