Soap Awards Of The Week – 26 Oct 2009

October 26, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

COMEUPPANCE OF THE WEEK – Rosie Webster (Coronation Street)

Soap writers are a sadistic bunch. Usually they spend their time screwing over innocent/stupid/gormless people, but every once in a while they dish out hot steamy plates of justice to a thoroughly reprehensible character.

This week’s financial demise of Rosie Webster definitely fits this profile. When Michelle dragged this tramp down the street by her hair, we thought that some sort of comeuppance had been levied against the harlot, but those all-powerful writers were only just getting started.

rosie

How we laughed when Luke took all of Rosie’s lovely money and ran – ironically enough she was trying to invest the cash in knickers!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK – Eli Dingle (Emmerdale)

“I don’t eat chips mate! You do know that potatoes come from the ground!??

The brain of the Dingle family speaks….

(WORST) SLAP OF THE WEEK – Charity Dingle (Emmerdale)

It’s pretty difficult to write anything about the ridiculous weekly happenings in soapland without mentioning the Dingles. Zac and Lisa’s efforts to cover Yorkshire with a master race of morons seems to gather more pace with every passing week.

Although he is definitely not the stupidest person in the family, Cain Dingle is easily the most slappable, so it was little surprise that Charity lost her patience and tried to catch him with a stinging blow across the cheeks last week.

But hold up, Charity is herself a Dingle isn’t she? Consequently she makes a right pig’s ear of the assault – and ends up snogging her in-law on the sofa! Now we think of it, maybe this should have been pull of the week….

PULL OF THE WEEK – Nathan & Leyla (Emmerdale)

After a long chase around the farm, landlord piggy Nathan managed to get Leyla drunk enough to cheat on David. In fact he was so keen to get into her pants that the cad even took her out of the village!

The seedy property mogul saw his chance after Leyla confessed to pinching £250 from his glorified marmalade shop (who the hell buys damson jam for £7 a jar?!?).

After fixing his sleazy gaze on her at a hastily arranged staff night out, Nathan finally managed to get his girl. “Do you want to see the upstairs of my house?? Which self-respecting girl could resist such charm? To close the deal he trips her up on the stairs and smoothly sticks his tongue down her throat.

I wonder what they had on their toast in the morning?

UNLUCKIEST HERO OF THE WEEK – Patrick (Eastenders)

While Pat and Peggy were eating sweets and drinking vodka in an ice cream van(!!!) Patrick Truman was busy delivering the moomin sprog of Heather Trott.

Hanging around with this woman is bad enough on a normal day (just take a look at Shirley’s ragged mush) but the George Michael-obsessed gastropod was a particularly difficult patient on Thursday.

patrick

Consequently we don’t think any worse of Patrick for hitting the gas and air as he helped Heather smash the previous Albert Square record for ugliest mother and child – previously held by Sonia and Rebecca Fowler.

MYSTERY OF THE WEEK – Who’s your daddy? (Eastenders)

baby

By the end of last week, Eastenders viewers had shown a great deal of patience as the wait to find out which mug had taken Heather to the edge of heaven reached fever pitch. Were they were going to come forward and say: “I’m your man?? We had faith that they would.

After all the fuss, the infant’s father turned out to be Albert Square’s answer to Oliver Twist, there were careless whispers that he had been looking for fast love at a fast food restaurant on the day in question.

So in a climactic episode the four suspects for this heinous crime descended upon the different corners of the hospital, but it was Darren Miller that walked through the door – he obviously knew she was waiting, knew she was waiting for him. We’re just wondering what Heather said to get the street urchin into the sack in the first place – knock me up before you go-go??

Sean Marland

clive says:

idiot of the week has to go to darren for getting heather up the duff in the first place.

chatterbox says:

Glad to see a soap feature! 🙂

skye says:

gastropod, haha -funny