X Factor Roundup: Week 2

September 1, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

Lordy, Lordy, look at all the freaks.

That’s what the new format of the X Factor seems to say by putting all the hopeful ‘singers’ up on stage for all the world to gawk and point at.

Saturday’s episode seemed to have an even spread of crazy and talented which always makes the watch bearable. Let’s get the most talented out of the way first then we can slag off the obvious non-winners in a bit.

Lenny Kravitz lookalike Jamie Archer pretty much stole the show with his energetic rendition of ‘Sex On Fire’ by the Kings Of Leon. He had the entire audience singing along and even Simon had a little sing to himself. Last week, sexy teacher Danyl Johnson had the girls wriggling in their seats, but there’s something about Jamie. We think it’s the hair; it’s afro-tastic.

Girl group, Miss Fitz, wowed the crowd with their retro arrangement of Britney Spears’ hit Toxic.

They revamped the song to have a 40s style and it worked a treat. But one of the girls has already had their chance at X Factor fame. Gemma had been on the series in 2006 – the year that Leona Lewis won – but failed to make it past the judges’ homes section of the show.

Looks like her and her friends are set to make an impact as one of the top girl groups. Unfortunately for them, there’s always a weak link in every group and our money’s on the blonde.

Rozelle Phillips was another top performer when she sang Jennifer Hudson’s One Night Only from the show Dreamgirls. Rozelle, 21, said that she was pushed to succeed by her grandmother. Awwww. She’s good but is she good enough? Probably not.

Here’s Rozelle and Miss Fitz performing.

OK, let’s get to the good stuff.

Package Man. If you saw the show, you’ll know exactly who we mean. Steve, who did not give his surname, performed It’s My Party, but it seemed that the only party going on was in his pants. Steve obviously thought he had an enormous… talent and wasn’t shy about standing in front of a television crew with it in full view.

A suspicious bulge was in Steve pants when he walked on stage leading the judges to wet themselves laughing. Cheryl tried to remain professional and was relatively composed whereas Danni could barely hold back tears as she shook with laughter. Part time music mogul and full time televisual annoyance, Louis Walsh jokingly told Steve that he didn’t think he ‘had the full package’.

Opinion is divided as to whether he was a little too excited over meeting the judges or if he was trying to make himself more popular by stuffing his briefs. By the look on his mortified daughters faces we’d say that it wasn’t something he was sporting around the house on a regular basis.

Check out Cheryl’s reaction: priceless.

In grand talent show tradition, there was a contestant who was struggling with the death of a relative.

While people may remark upon how cynical we are about contestants with sob stories, you have to admit, they’re always the one with the most mediocre voices. Daryl Markham was dealing with the death of his brother whose wedding meant Daryl missed out the auditions last year. His voice is OK but is definitely not a winning voice. Ah well, he’ll still make it through to the next few rounds if he remembers to keep crying. We mean trying.

Behrouz Ghaemi from Persia gave an uncomfortable but apparently entertaining rendition of Take Your Mama Out by The Scissor Sisters, the lead singer of which is famous for his high pitched singing style. Unfortunately Behrouz was under the impression that he could imitate this and proceeded to screech out the lyrics.

The judges had apparently missed their crazy quota that day and Louis, Danni and Cheryl all said yes to barmy Behrouz.


Emily Moulder

Take a gander at our shiny new Soap Galleries! And while you’re at it, learn a thing or two about Ulrika Jonsson. You know you want to.