Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: The Simpleton’s Life

September 1, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY: Tuesday 1st September, Channel 4, 10:35pm Alert Me

Prepare to see the degradation of the human spirit before your very eyes.

Channel 4 brings us another show in the vein of The Simple Life, though can they possibly get any simpler?

Real Housewives of New Jersey revolves around five affluent uniformly cat-faced and perma-tanned ladies. Calling them “real� might be a bit of a stretch.

They live in Franklin Lakes, New Joisey, a few hours away from New York City where apparently 5% of the town’s intelligence is shared among 95% of the residents.

Cue the predictable paff of stupid people saying stupid things that are edited together to make them sound even more stupid.

Stage mom Teresa insists she’s not fake, in the same breath expressing her desire for new breasts. She does all the things that vacuous beings with too much money do, dropping $120K in one go on statement furniture for the new house as she says: “I hear the economy’s crashing which is why I pay cash�, counting out the Benjamins.

This week on the show Teresa and Jacqueline go to spy on recent divorcee (and dead ringer for Teri Hatcher’s mum) Danielle’s date with a gentleman she met on Meanwhile Caroline throws a graduation party for her son and Dina gets her nails done.

Don’t worry if you don’t remember the names. Helpfully, as five names and faces can be too many to remember, every time a new sequence begins the name and a little video of the appropriate housewife striking a sassy pose (sassy: placing hands on hips with raised eyebrow) appear in the corner.

They’re like those reminders that rudely pop up while you’re watching House, obscuring Hugh Laurie’s gob to tell you about something that’s not even on next but later in the week.

They’re making a mockery of their subject matter and their audience now.

Bonehead-baiting shows like this one have got so transparent in what they’re trying to do that they’ve ceased to be entertaining. They’re becoming as tired and flaccid as the leathery over-tanned skin of a bingo wing.

Real Housewives’ placement in such an awkward timeslot suggests that Channel 4 isn’t too confident about it either.

However it looks as though it might get better as the series progresses, with tensions among the group bubbling to the surface. Whether the crescendo will be as explosive as promised remains to be seen.

Modern tragedy.

Leonie Mercedes

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