How To Snare A Millionaire Review: Going For (G)old

August 27, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Reviews

HOW TO SNARE A MILLIONAIRE: Friday 28th August, Channel 4, 7:30pm Alert Me

It’s a title that would make a thousand feminists wince.

The first in a series of documentaries showcasing new film-making talent, How to Snare a Millionaire sees 28-year-old eternal singleton Rebecca Arnold on a shameless quest to bagsy a rich man.

Ooh, car crash…

Oh, but she doesn’t want to compromise herself. Yeah, you’ve lost us.

She signs up to upmarket dating agency Berkeley International, dropping £6,000 for the privilege. The screening process, a session to gauge her personality and what she’s after is brutal. She is asked very personal questions about her dating past, judged and pitied by her Louboutin-heeled Fairy Godmother.

“Is the emphasis on [finding] a rich man, or a nice husband?? Fairy Godmother asks, thereby proving the two are mutually exclusive. Rebecca wants both.

While the agency chews on all of her information to churn out a soulmate, Rebecca logs onto sugardaddie.com, a dating site for women with daddy issues and aging men with erectile dysfunction. On sugardaddie.com eye colour and starsign are listed along with yearly income.

She goes to High Wycombe to meet her 58-year-old sugardaddy John and he’s a proper gent. They have a good civilised chat, later checking out his prized possession (and penis extension), a Harley motorcycle.

John leathers up for a ride (on the Harley), even having the foresight to supply Rebecca with her own set of leathers to squeeze into, but Rebecca, don’t do it. Who knows where those leathers have been? How many other sugarbabe crotches have known the depths of those trews? You might catch herpes or something.

It’s just all so sleazy. We’re watching the beginning of a respectable lady’s descent into prostitution.

It would be far more sincere (and watchable) if we were following a woman who gets into all of this knowingly, pulling out all the stops and rubber nipples for a life of yachting on the French Riviera and Cristal popping. Sad, but sincere.

How to Snare a Millionaire is just sad. With cringe-making musical interludes of Rebecca singing odes to her singledom (really), it’s probably supposed to be funny. But it’s just sad.

And with our heroine unwilling to undergo the makeover required to find what she’s looking for, this show is empty calories. As a nation that feeds on BBC3 specials, we want to see the compromise, in all its grimy glory.

Somehow making it to air, it should be named How to Snare a Commission.

Leonie Mercedes

However, there are some ladies in very compromising positions on The Tudors. Read our review here, or check out our treatment of Benefit Busters for a look at the opposite end of the social spectrum.