Sold?: Shove Your Tampax Pearls Where The Sun Don’t…

July 28, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

Since the iconic “Wooooow! Bodyform! Bodyform for yooooooou!�, the bar for advertising female sanitary products with impact has been set pretty high.

Picture the scene: you’re a bright young thing modelling on your photo shoot in your conspicuously white dress sitting on your conspicuously white cushions when, uh-oh, Auntie Flo comes to town!

Mother Nature, a character Chanel-suited with a sprig of ivy in her hair (who if she looks familiar it’s because she’s Malcolm in the Middle’s teacher), has come to ruin everything.

Ladies’ private bits being a bit of a sensitive subject, metaphor often comes into its own in these adverts of this nature, some of the results of which have been endearing and disturbing in equal measure (remember the bumper cars?)

Continuing the evolution of the innocuous representation of ladies’ bodily fluids, Mother Nature comes bearing the “monthly gift�, a pressie all wrapped up in a bow which is, in a ground-breaking turn, red in colour.

“I think you better stop shooting right now!� she bellows. Because as every woman knows, it is absolutely impossible to function after you’ve come on. Don’t even think continuing to work young lady, go home to bed for 3-5 days to binge on chocolate and write in your journal.

“Mother Nature, not now� says our bright young thing. She’s got Tampax Pearl on her side. She’s outsmarted Mother Nature.

Erm, hang on, this doesn’t make any sense. What? Outsmart Mother Nature? With a tampon? Surely this is false advertising. Not convinced a cylinder of cotton on a string can fend off your monthly cycle.

Mother Nature is here whether we like it or not, so take your tampons and shove ’em.

Leonie Mercedes