The Worst Jobs In The TV World

July 3, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

Leaf through the imaginary TV classifieds and the opportunities are manifold: ‘Z-list celebrity looking to revive your career?’, ‘East End pub in need of evil landlord. Must have experience’ and ‘CSI needed: dirty past preferred but not compulsory’.

Some of these occupations are plain embarrassing to have, and are to be taken with a pinch of salt (or P45). Others, which they fail to mention in the ads, will kill you.

The world recently saw some 35,000 compete for what was branded “The Best Job in the World? (check out our review of the sickening mong-fest here).

So in OTB’s merrily cynical way, we’ve decided to run down the list of the worst jobs in the world. As seen on TV.

GENERAL SURGEON ROMANO ON ER

Everyone’s favourite bigot scalpel-jockey had a few run-ins with helicopters during his tenure at County General Hospital in between operations.

The first chopper chopped his left arm clear off in a scene that shook thousands to their very souls. Things went from bad to worse when his re-attached arm caught fire in a kitchen accident, and had to be amputated.

And he was such a brilliant surgeon. What cruel irony.

He was finally put out of his misery in Round 2, halfway through season 10 when another helicopter spun out of control on the hospital helipad and crushed him, finishing him off in a spectacular display of pyrotechnics.

SWINE SEMEN EXTRACTOR REBECCA LOOS ON THE FARM

Tabloid fodder Rebecca Loos cemented her Z-list status in Channel 5’s 2004 reality show The Farm.

So it wasn’t strictly a job – well, it wasn’t an occupation, so to speak – but it certainly warrants a mention.

Without going into massively graphic detail, pneumatic David Beckham-botherer Loos was sent to propagate the lineage of one certain pig by manually extracting its seed before a few million shocked viewers. Well someone had to do it.

ALL THE EASYJET STAFF ON AIRLINE

“Come fly with me, let’s fly away? warble the serene opening titles.

If only it were that easy. ITV’s daytime series made a field day of the shortcomings of budget Stelios-fronted airline EasyJet and its long-suffering staff.

Day in, day out, we watched as flights were cancelled, people were left stranded and a thousand stag parties threatened to blow planes out of the sky, leaving droves of discontent passengers in its wake.

And who was taking the brunt of all this? The orange-attired fresh-out-of-school employees, as they routinely brave the wrath of angry Liverpudlians. Horrifying.

ANY CSI ON CSI

The position of CSI comes with a minefield of occupational hazards. Aside from the daily pools of blood and guts, bodies falling out of the sky and severed limbs, torsos, heads to piece back together, the Las Vegas team have had to cope with their own personal perils; deafness, date-rape… one CSI was actually buried alive.

The poorest sod of them all however was Level 3 CSI Warwick Brown, whose past caught up with him at the end of season 8 when he was shot in the neck and chest by a dirty cop tied in with the mafia.

LANDLORD/LADY OF THE QUEEN VIC IN EASTENDERS

Finally a look at the Rasputin of Walford, and the twice-landlord of Eastenders watering hole The Queen Vic that twice led to his demise, Dirty Den.

With all the murders, rapes and Ian Beale in Albert Square, running its hub is a frightening, and potentially dangerous undertaking, but being killed twice isn’t really something you sign up for.

Dirty Den’s first “murder? happened back in 1989 when he was shot into a canal, though he returned in 2003, only to be killed again at the hands of wife Chrissie with Pauline Fowler’s iron dog-shaped doorstop. His last words were “You’ll never get me out of the Vic!? and they never will, as his corpse was encased in concrete under the cellar.

Sweepstakers across the land are poised for his return.



Leonie Mercedes