Desperately Seeking Fame Review: Kissy Sell Out
I never thought I’d say it, but Current TV’s Desperately Seeking Fame makes BBC3’s pitiable programming schedule look positively highbrow.
Made up of three shows: The Dark Side of Fame, The Queen of Kiss and Sell and How To Be A Reality TV Star, Current TV takes aim at the “culture of celebrity” and the chav-tastic plebs that have kept Big Brother on our screens for nigh on ten years.
Unfortunately, the programmes became more like a How To Make Crap Telly 101: it seems that the ‘Culture of YouTube’ has ensured that every Media Studies graduate with a decent camcorder is cursed with delusions of documentary-making grandeur. If only the film-makers had watched Sounds Like Teen Spirit before embarking on these tacky, crass projects.
How To Be A Reality TV Star follows Stephanie McMichaels from BB9, as she embarks on a trip to New York to attend Reality TV School. After admitting that she lied about her age on Pop Stars: The Rivals and put on an act in the Big Brother house, I am baffled by Stuart Kershaw’s summation of Steph as “insightful” and “original”. Obviously, she is much less of a psychotic megalomaniac than her American Reality TV counterparts – one of whom openly admits to being abused by her father and ex-husband. Yet, Steph is in it for the money as much as the next starry-eyed schmuck. Also, Kershaw’s amateurish cinematography practically gives me motion sickness. I’m sure a toddler with ADHD would have a steadier hand.
D-List celebrity Carolyn Barratt (of early noughties pop act The 411) appears in The Dark Side Of Fame, a 24-hour social experiment where she is hounded by obsessive scissor-wielding fans, papped before she’s even brushed her teeth, and accused of cheating on her husband by a couple of sleazy tabloid journalists.
Something we at OTB face on a daily basis, or perhaps that’s just Jack…
But The Award For Really Scraping The Scum-Covered Barrel goes to Mike Healey and his documentary about the loose-legged, walking STI that is Kimberley Lee: Star Shagger. This woman is so slutty, she makes Danielle Lloyd look like the Mother Superior. Kimberley proudly reels off the notches on her bedpost as though she’s reciting the top forty, sleeping with the likes of Mike Tyson, Eminem and Kid Rock. Pete Doherty I can understand – he’s catatonic most of the time, God knows what Lee did to that poor, drug-addled, waif.
As Healey watches Lee carrying out her winning beauty regime i.e. spit-shining her mammoth breasts and twirling her greasy hair extensions into a matted heap – the fact that Lee calls The Daily Star “classy” makes perfect sense.
Most depressing of all was the fact that, regardless of the negative consequences, the possibility of a flutter in the spotlight reduced all three women to desperate, materialistic, sycophants and left me distraught at the state of the world.
Roll on BB10.