Traffic Cops 2009 – The Cameras Don’t Lie Review: The Pigs Aren’t Alright
TRAFFIC COPS 2009: THE CAMERAS DON’T LIE, Thursday 21st May, BBC1, 9.00pm Alert Me
I have never understood the appeal of real life cop shows.
Why would anyone want to watch car crashes in Cardiff when they could be transported to murderous Manhattan or brutal Baltimore thanks to a punchy script and an airbrushed cast of lookers?
From start to finish, Traffic Cops is just awful; from the inappropriate backing music (Lee Carr’s ‘Camera’s Don’t Lie’ – a rubbish R’n'B number – plays uncomfortably over a CCTV montage), to the anti-climactic conclusion. I would rather set fire to my own feet than be forced to watch this drivel.
In this episode we are titillated by Mr. “42 in a 30 zone”, Elderly Crash Couple, Invisible Taxi Smasher, and Drunken Fake Injury Boy. It’s like a nightmarish version of the Fantastic Four, or the World’s Most Sleep-Inducing Circus Attractions.
The main story is the horrific hit-and-run in Swansea, where a car ploughed into an elderly gent, fled the scene and then looped around the road to get a good look at the mess he’s caused, whilst still failing to stop.
Some of the narration is just hilarious – “Like Fitz in Cracker, PC Dogsbody must try and get inside the mind of the criminal and understand the psychology behind what he did”. Err, he was scared and had no respect for his victim so he buggered off – it doesn’t take a genius to work that out!
Traffic Cops has clearly been made for the countless, backwards idiots who have no concept of entertainment – both female and older drivers are patronised in the space of a five minute segment, setting the tone for the rest of the show. Later producers try to excite by featuring “scenes of a CSI nature” as they boast that the Police Lab specialist used to play scrum half for Wales. If only someone in amongst the minuscule viewing figures cared enough to raise an eyebrow by this point, if only…
Overall the show is just plain depressing. The most frustrating thing about the central hit and run storyline was the fact that, by the end, the CPS ruled that a fingerprint was not enough to link the prime suspect to driving the car at the time of the accident, so the perpetrator gets off scott free. If this is meant to be inspiring telly, something has gone seriously wrong.
Why the hell am I paying my TV license fee for this rubbish?