TV and Film’s Best WTF Resurrections
Let’s face it – Easter, as a whole, requires just a smidgen of disbelief. Chocolate crapping bunnies, boulder rolling religious zombies, and overwhelming nationwide denial from those who were supposed to have staved off their nicotine/sexual/alcoholic addictions for the past 40 days (and blatantly caved in 3 days in).
Anyhoo, ‘Tis the season to be miraculous, so in celebration of the most famous resurrectee of all, here’s OTB’s list of the craziest, most shocking and generally ‘what-the-huh’ comebacks ever to have graced our screens…
After a pre, during and post-island life of near-death misses, John Locke finally carked it at the hands of beady-eyed loony Lost strangler Ben. While viewers were always aware of the Island’s magical healing properties, we think Ben’s fish-mouthed reaction at the end of ‘What Happened, Happened’ – when he comes face to face with the man he murdered just days before – says it all.
W. T. F?!
If you can push your mind past the numerous tacky cash-ins that followed, it’s safe to saw that the original Saw was one of the greatest horror films of the 21st century. Terrifying, nail-biting and as taut as a throat-slicing cheesewire, the film’s denouement was its greatest and most shocking moment of all.
The face-imploded dead guy that had been splayed across the bathroom floor for the entire movie was none other than the film’s criminal mastermind, who had been biding his time to manipulate events from within.
It does leave you thinking though: how did he go that entire time without farting? Or sneezing? Or giggling? If ever a movie’s DVD deserved an alternate ending, this is it.
Sara didn’t just die. She was Gwyneth-ed. When a Hallmark card just isn’t enough, it seems a head in a box is the only other possible way to say ‘Happy Stalker Day’.
Prison Break’s Sara was mercilessly bumped off as part of a vendetta against professional poutathon Wentworth Miller, but promptly reappeared in the next series after the whole traumatic prank was found to be a slightly edgier, warped take on You’ve Been Framed.
We know it’s his holiday celebration and all, but we doubt even JC could’ve got out of that one.
Horror movies are known for their brain-numbing inventiveness when it comes to dragging their cash-cow icons back for yet another round of slicey-dicey slaughter, but we reckon Jason VI’s takes the blood-splattered cake.
The dim-witted survivor from numero cinco returns to Jason’s grave-pit to check once and for all that he’s completely, 100% dead. So, acting with a prescience and clarity of thought that would have helped him out the first time around, he grabs a metal fence post and rams it into Jason’s rotten corpse.
Proving God really does have a sense of humour, a spark of lightning strikes the fence post and Jason’s given his very own Ground Force DIY defibrillator and promptly comes back to life to wreak havoc on another gaggle of big boobed machete fodder.
For all Scream’s Wink-Wink Nudge-Nudge post-ironic glory, it was only fitting that the killer had to come back that one last time. Stabbed, shot and thrown down the stairs, Billy Loomis made sure to live up to his movie-savvy victims’ expectations, rising from the (assumed) dead to rush at heroine Sidney before she casually blasted him through the head.
Whatever you thought of the decisions to turn the franchise into GI Jane IN SPACE or the flippancy with which the heart and soul of Aliens was dismissed off-hand within Alien 3’s first 5 minutes, the film was noticeable for Ripley’s kamikaze swan dive finale into a lava Jacuzzi, which was iconic at least.
Set 200 years after Alien 3, Ripley was resurrected as an unwitting Alien/Human hybrid clone in one of the tackiest and most pointless comebacks since Peter Andre.
The beginning of 24’s fifth season gave it the much needed, adrenalised kick in the nads it needed after a couple of seasons treading water, and opened with a heart-stopping series of attacks on the show’s regulars.
After being battered by a carbomb, suffering serious brain damage and coughing his way through a building-wide outbreak of nerve gas, Tony Almedia finally seemed to have chucked in the towel when he was stabbed with an overdose of hyoscinepenthothal (that’s a drug, not a dinosaur), and died in the arms of long-term friend/rival Jack Bauer.
Or did he?
It seems hero Jack was just a victim of a good old Punk-ing and Tony was alive all along – he promptly reappeared in Season Seven batting for the other team (terrorists that is).
Or does he? (repeat ad infinitum)
While many comics fans saw Jean’s X2 death and X3 return a mere formality (what with her being imbued with the subtly named ‘Phoenix’ force and all), it was the naff, near off-camera way in which she returned that had most viewers screaming for Director Brett Ratner’s head.
As one of the comics’ greatest ever storylines, Jean’s resurrection should’ve been accompanied by gravitas, melodramatic reactions, a sky-high fiery phoenix and thunderclaps a-plenty.
Instead we got a lake-splash with all the force of a Leisure Centre’s wave machine and a lip-wobbling, wooden James Marsden so annoying even ol’ Jean felt the need to wipe him off the face of the planet.
After a traditional cliff-side jaunt with GILF of a wife Madge back in 1991, Neighbour’s Harold slipped into the ocean and was thought long gone. Yet it turns out everyone’s favourite jelly belly merely floated to Tasmania with a case of ‘that’s convenient’ amnesia.
Suspending belief for an ambiguous return 5 years on is one thing. Believing Harold would have been able to rotate his flubby arms fast enough to maintain buoyancy in the first place is a whole other level of ‘WTF’.
The Queen of the comebacks. Sissy Spacek’s PMT-ing psychokinetic perished after her mother stabbed her to death on her Prom Night. As the conclusion treads ever closer to the credits reel, viewers are thrown out of their seats by Carrie’s solitary, bloodied hand bursting out of her grave.
The most shocking and unexpected resurrection ever.