Cartoons – the shining, billowy beacon of innocence. For all the hopscotch, pigtails and conker fights, the one thing that typifies all our youths is those badly animated, sloppily dubbed 30 minute distractions your parents would literally have killed for.
But like a Mills to a McCartney, we adults quickly learn that just because something looks cute, doesn’t mean it can’t psychologically scar us for life.
So we’ve decided to run down the list of the cartoons that are guaranteed to traumatise your kids.
GENIUS, BBC2, Friday 1st May 2009, 10.00pm Alert Me
I’ve heard whispers about this show for a while but have never found the precious 23.5 minutes to watch it.
I guess, after hearing the basic premise behind “Genius”, I merely dismissed it as a show that lifts it founding principles from The Simpsons episode where Homer wants to be Thomas Edison i.e., full of nonsensical creations like the make-up gun and the electronic hammer. In essence, I wasn’t wrong, but there is a childlike wonderment inherent in Genius that can’t be ignored if one takes the programme at face value.
Dave Gorman (or monkey-face pseudo-Librarian as I prefer to call him) invites one celebrity Genius to play Judge Judy and executioner, rating the contestants suggestions and pronouncing one champion brain. This week’s special guest is Paris Hilton?! We wish…
In a bizarre ‘life mirroring art’ episode, Prison Break actor Lane Garrison actually made it out of prison, though not in the way the series’ fans might have wished. The 28-year-old actor was released from the California Correctional Institute following his imprisonment for 40 months after a fatal car crash which killed a young student.
The former star, who played David “Tweener” Apolskis in the show’s first two seasons, was released on Wednesday.
Everyone’s favourite DJ Queen of electro/dubstep/dnb/hip-hop/disco (we tried genre-ising it – it didn’t work) Annie Mac is back and intent on blowing our eardrums and socks off with a whole heap of new ‘Annie Mac Presents’ dates.
It’s practically impossible to convey how much we love Annie here at OTB, so here’s a short taster of what you can expect….
Upcoming gigs include an unbelievable array of guest stars – Little Boots, Calvin Harris, Friendly Fires, Scratch Perverts and Fabio to name but a few.
For more videos and Annie’s own personal online music channel (or if you just want to watch sweaty peeps a little more – we won’t judge) click here….
BOY MEETS GIRL, Friday 1st May, ITV1, 9.00PM Alert Me
What would you do if you woke up to find you didn’t know who you were?
Not only that, but you have to share a bed with a stranger, have a job and friends you can’t stand and don’t know how to change things back? Aside from being a hung-over Sunday morning realisation for many people, it’s also the premise to Boy Meets Girl, a body-swap comedy starring Martin Freeman and Rachael Stirling.
After a freak accident involving a massive electrical current, work-shy Mancunian conspiracy theorist, Danny, trades places with vacuous fashion columnist, Veronica.
Veronica’s body is rushed to hospital where, on awakening from a coma, Danny realises he’s trapped. Unfortunately, Danny’s body has gone walkabouts and Veronica can’t remember who she is. Trust me, it’s harder to write about than it is to watch. Read on for more…
CUTTING EDGE – MY WALL STREET, Thursday 30th April, Channel 4, 9.00pm Alert Me
Maybe it’s because I’m more curious than a certain infamous suicidal cat, but there’s nothing I love more than getting a glimpse into the day to day lives of others.
It could be an antidote to the endless episodes of the 90210 and Hills episodes that my flatmate forces me to watch, but I find something wonderfully comforting in seeing ordinary people going about their daily business not looking like they’ve just stepped out of a salon or won the pools, and doing it all with humour, dignity and good grace.
In this superb documentary, Cutting Edge examines the effects the dastardly credit crunch is having on the lives of the people who live on some of the 23 ‘Wall Street’s throughout the UK. Disclaimer: Probably not as glamorous as the real one…
You can almost here the voices in Iggy Pop’s head as he careers around like a corpse on steroids in the latest Swiftcover advert: “Look at me,” they scream. “I can turkey walk better than Jagger!”
Yes Mr. Pop, you may have the vim and vigour of a man a third of your age (come on, admit it, he is impressively veiny at the ripe age of 62), but I put it to you sir that your recent ad campaign is a total shambles!
The Advertising Standards Agency has received a dozen complaints about the Swiftcover commercials, as the sneaky company don’t actually insure entertainers, no matter how much they lust for life (sorry, we had to shoehorn it in somewhere). The campaign was therefore deemed misleading and has now been cancelled accordingly.
Best calm yourself down Iggy, we know you’re a real wild child but in a few months you’ll be needing a hip replacement, so you’d best get yourself some new cover. A duet with the Churchill dog, perhaps?!
BORN TO BE DIFFERENT – TURNING EIGHT, Tuesday 28th April, Channel 4, 9pm Alert Me
Hot on the heels of Kimberley: Young Mum Ten Years On, Channel 4 appears hell bent on shaking us complacent Brits out of our self-indulgent whinging over the price of petrol and crisps with a series of revealing and moving documentaries.
Since their births eight years ago, Channel 4 has been following the lives of six children, each born with disabilities that range from severe mental and physical ills such as those suffered by Shelbie Williams, to less debilitating, but equally problematic disabilities, such as Hamish McLean’s dwarfism.
In this first episode the programme makers catch up with what has been going on since their last visit two years ago. Although the episode only comes in at 50 minutes, the amount of work that goes into caring for a child with special needs really comes across and by the end I was left exhausted. Read on…
Everyone’s fourth favourite ex-children’s Saturday morning TV presenter, Cat Deeley may be staging a comeback on our screens with a fashion-based TV show.
Reports suggest the show will be a mix of Ugly Betty and Watchdog which actually sounds like something Alan Partridge might pitch at the end of a disastrous meeting with the head of BBC programming. Even worse, Deeley wants to name the series Cat Rescue. Surely that’s just going to be watched by old ladies and people who are too lazy to get up and turn over?
The model turned presenter apparently wants to “get the nation feeling better about themselves.”
Ok then, how about offering the incentive of not making that programme if the England team make it through to the semi finals for a change?
The American TV and Film industry must be struggling if the Yanks are defecting to the shores of Blighty.
Everyone’s favourite Desperate gardener Jesse Metcalfe has admitted that he’d move across the pond for a role in the UK.
No, he won’t be starring in a 90′s version of Ashes To Ashes. He’d move for as little as a role in Coronation Street. Apparently he wants the chance to play an some “interesting, complex characters”. So, by that do you mean a bigamist, a matricidal psychopath, or an alcoholic?
Seriously Jesse, don’t sink to the level of Keith Duffy, you’re better than that. You went out with Nadine Coyle, surely you should strive for a role on Holby City at the very least? Or with your Desperate Housewives experience, maybe Mistresses would be more appropriate…