Top 5 Movie Mums That’ll Make You Appreciate Your Own this Mothers Day
Mums, by their very nature, are annoying.
Calpol-dispensing, cookie-baking and sweater-knitting they may be during our childhood years, but it’s a genetic fact that come puberty, the ‘befuddled, doddery, mothering’ instinct not only amplifies but then jars stubbornly into place, kick-starting an eternal cycle of ‘Mind how you gos’, ‘Are you eating alrights’ and ‘You’re not looking wells’.
But for all the times we grumble, argue and book onto heat-of-the-moment paternity tests, it’s always worthwhile appreciating they’re not all that bad. We just need to look at some of movie-dom’s on-screen mums to realise, actually, we’ve got it pretty good.
Rambo. Death Race 2000. Rocky. Sylvester Stallone has single-handedly destroyed villages, crazy 9ft Russians and dystopian death race futures. But you know the one nemesis Stallone could just never overcome? The one that makes the big ol’ beefcake act like a whiny 12 year old girl scout who’s just had her High School Musical on Ice tickets stolen?
A Golden Girl.
Embarrassment personified, Estelle Getty’s incessant nagging and doddery harassment is living proof that there’s a fine fine line between innocent dementia and steely, calculated aggravation.
And if that trailer makes Sly’s on-screen mum look annoying, just imagine how much better it would’ve been if they’d used his real mum.
And speaking of MILFs….
Forget acne, shower-time erections and first kisses – THIS is every teenager’s worst fear. While Stifler totally deserved it, the thought of walking in on your mum getting it on with your mates is second only to walking in to see your mum getting it on with your brother.
MILF’s are only funnier when they’re someone elses.
You know that myth that suggests Mums can tap into some kind of earthly, maternal Super-Force to save their children in times of need?
Sarah Connor seems to be snorting it.
Holy Crap. And you thought your mum was overprotective. Just begin to imagine the everyday realities of having Sarah Connor for a parent.
Getting bullied? She’ll bench press them into an industrial waste unit. A car backfires? She grabs the Molatov cocktail out of her handbag. You get a cold? Bye bye local GP.
Watching Sarah Connor certainly makes you appreciate your mum’s cooking more. We’re pretty sure the only thing John would find smokin’ in the kitchen is the smouldering, horrific corpse of a T-1000.
Norman Bates, winner of the International Award for Creepiest Momma’s Boy. Not only does he enjoy dressing in his dead mother’s clothes, he even utlises his talent for taxidermy to ensure that his mummy will always be with him (possibly the earliest form of Botox on record).
Whereas the sane among us can just ignore or reject phonecalls from “Nurturing Nags Anonymous”; Old Mrs Bates gets a medal for meddling as she embeds herself in Norman’s pysche. Proof that even death can’t stop mother’s getting their own way. Resistance is futile.
Back in 1994, John Waters decided to cast his uniquely perverse eye on the prim Stepford Wives of Suburbia.
What did he come up with? A brilliantly hilarious combination of Bree Van De Camp, Delia Smith and Fred West.
(Sadly, we ran out of time for a photoshopped wonder here but I trust whatever you’re imagining is worse)
Death in a pinny, Kathleen Turner carves her way across every nobody that’s ever wronged her (or her children), and your own uneasiness tends to stem from the niggling feeling that our mums all probably have that lurking just beneath the surface. It’s just urban myth that this was based on a true story…. wasn’t it?
Best make sure you buy that bouquet of flowers for Sunday just in case.