Top Ten Reasons why Jack Bauer should run a country
There appears to be a slightly worrying correlation between Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming Governor of California and an increasing number of wild fires. There is not enough evidence to support a link but surely anyone who has seen an Arnie film will know he solves problems by either unleashing a flame thrower for a good five minutes or simply blowing everything up. Even so, this should not stop a petition to go one step further and put another action star Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) in charge of a country.
With Season seven of 24 now upon us and safe in the knowledge that it’s going to be another cracker it is fair to say Jack Bauer deserves more responsibility. No one ever seems to give him the credit he deserves in the government he works for so here’s why Jack would do far better running his own place:
10. Jack would be brilliant at International negotiations. Give him some rope, a chair and a source of electricity and he’ll have people agreeing with him in no time.
9. This man does not need sleep! If there is a crisis at 3 in the morning he’ll have it covered.
8. When you compare a back bench consisting of Tony Almeida, Bill Buchannan and Michelle Diesler with Alistair Darling, Peter Mandelson and Jacqui Smith you know who you’d feel safer with.
7. Whenever Jack’s around, the world is close to destruction. Who’s going to worry about a recession when a deadly virus is on the loose?
6. There would be no need for home security. Jack’s bound to know better.
5. Knife crime would be significantly reduced. Would you take Jack Bauer on with just a knife?
4. Paperwork and legislation would go out the window. This is a man who raids terrorist bases single handily against all government procedure then defuses nuclear bombs without a manual just for fun.
3. Jack can get rid of personal problems in no time. In one day he went from heroine addict to recovering heroine addict to fine.
2. He has a great relationship with the Chinese government.
1. He believes in fair trade. Give him what he wants and he won’t kill you.
So let’s get the Jack Bauer campaign started. Here’s some inspiring potential slogans to get the election up and running all said by Jack himself with some subtle changes to make them voter friendly:
A) When I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish that you felt this good again (benefit frauds).
B) The only way you’re going to die is if I kill you (so sleep safe tonight)
C) I’m gonna need a hacksaw (to cut taxes and build schools).
D) The government has no integrity! (……..urm….vote for Jack!)
Either way, in charge of a country or not, Jack returns with CTU no longer and the intriguing return of Tony Almeida this series promises to be as good as ever. Following Jack’s two hour stint in Africa he now returns to America under arrest for his treatment of suspects during his time at CTU. When will America learn just to let him get on with things. This series can go one of two ways:
- The American government supports Jack, probably saving a lot of their own time and resources. Jack prevails.
- The American government forces Jack to go rogue, then spends lots of money trying to stop him doing whatever he’s trying to do. Jack prevails.
Your choice guys.
By Craig Woods
Even Jack Bauer may struggle to contain Christian Bale in a temper, as you can see from our Top Five Celebrity Rampages. For a fluffier and yet sexier alternative check out Top Five Family Animations That Caused Controversy.