Lab Rats
BBC2, 9.30pm, Thursday 10th July 2008
Oh dear. That’s all I really want to write about this one – two words and be done with it. Obviously though, as this is a review and all that, I’ll elaborate. But just let my first sentence set the overall tone.
Lab Rats, the new, um, comedy, on BBC 2 spluttered its way onto our screens last night. Filled with redundant gags and lame attempts at goofy characters I honestly felt as though I was undergoing some form of endurance test, glancing at the clock every few minutes to relieve me from my distress. The premise is simple: scientists in a lab chatting about science and stuff and occasionally doing some experiments. Each week, “hilarious” situations ensue, this particular episode centring on the cloning of snails. Oh my god, guess what happened? They only went and cloned a giant snail??!! That’s hilarious!
But seriously, all that really happened apart from this is that everyone seemed to be on the hunt for chocolate, which they couldn’t find because the Dean was hiding it. Who gives a monkeys about the chocolate?! The rest was filled with unnecessary and awkward canned clapping that only served to make me sink lower into the sofa. What particularly got me was that the ditzy character, Cara, the brummie assistant just didn’t cut it as ditzy. True, she was perhaps one of the better things about the show but lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. Moreover, this reflected an overall trend – not one played up their characters enough (the only part they did was the atrocious excuses for accents) and every single one failed to be endearing. I wanted to shoot them all.
Lab Rats, while perhaps potentially good in theory can only be described as a failed experiment. Back to the drawing board with this one.
By Susan Allen
Soap tragedies are tragic, OK?!!
When a tragedy occurs in a soap, it is very often rather tragic. I want to make it clear that when I use the term tragic here I do not mean useless or pathetic. I mean to make the point that when someone dies in Eastenders or Hollyoaks this is oft quite distressing to watch. By now, I expect half of you to be reeling back in disgust, shaking your head / sniggering at how ridiculous it is for me to even bother to argue that, shock, horror, a soap might be moving. Well, don’t be such a bloody snob.
The prevailing (and frankly, pretty uninteresting) view is that soaps are the lowest of low, the shallowest scum of the dramatic arts, mundane viewing for even more mundane people. But, this simply ain’t so. When a character dies, it matters not whether they happen to be draped over the boards of a west end stage with their hand across their brow spouting “Alas, I am done for” or on the cobbles of a puddle-filled Albert Square with the neighbours clutching pints outside the Queen Vic gawping at their limp body - the catastrophe remains. In a lot of ways, the tragedy is heightened because at the time you’re usually stuffing your face with your tea just as they snuff it leaving you feeling a tad disrespectful as you munch while, Martin Fowler cradles his dead mother. It’s bad enough that you’re left with a mouthful of sausage and mash (which you’re rapidly going off) and tears are streaming down your face, but imagine if the doorbell goes. What is whoever it is at your door going to say? Of course, someone in the next row at the theatre might gladly hand you a hanky but let’s face it, when they glance at the telly you’re going to get ridiculed.
The other thing about disasters in Soapland is that they upset routine, much like real life tragedies, which actually renders them more affecting than a one-off trip to the cinema, during which you are introduced to the characters, watch a bit of their life, see them killed off all within the space of two hours and off you go. You trundle along, as you do in your own life in the belief that things are likely to stay the same, that everything is hunky dory, then bam, someone’s dead. It’s unexpected and thus heart-wrenching.
I’m not saying soaps are always where it’s at for the highest drama. Indeed, some soap disasters are handled in this manner, disastrously. But this is largely down to a poor script and terrible acting. Take for example, Drew’s death in Neighbours…a good few years ago now…he was fine one minute, fell off his horse the next and was dead and buried by the end of the episode! But when they’re done well, the words aren’t too cheesy and the actors are acting their little socks off, there’s no stopping the tears. Max’s death in Hollyoaks last week and his funeral last night left me balling (watch the omnibus this Saturday and tell me I’m wrong).
Fine, all you sceptics, if it makes you feel better, go shed your ‘sophisticated’ tears at some ‘sophisticated’ tragedy. But I resent being made to feel daft for getting emotional over a soap – soap tragedies are tragic, OK?!!
By Susan Allen
Fear, Lies and Facebooking
Facebook, dating tragedy and net stalking: McGee Noble takes a peek at Facebook’s profile
Meeting HotScot123…
It’s 1997. The internet is just a bumbling, brilliant toddler with an inappropriate dating obsession. I remember using my computer class at school to chat to HotScot123. It was naughty, exciting and most of all completely newfangled. I’m pretty sure I didn’t think the internet could be better than HotScot. We flirted, I ‘lol’d, and I dreamed of a handsome Scottish boy or just a handsome boy named Scot, I didn’t know which.
My dreams were dashed.
Looking over a friend’s shoulder it turned out HotScot123 was chatting to her too. And saying some much spicier things. Maybe I was too much of a nice girl, although more likely it was the beginning of the internet carpet bomb approach to meeting people that we so often see now.
A carpet bomb approach
The carpet bomb approach is much as it sounds. It involves bombarding as many sites and chatrooms as you can with comments and ‘information’ about yourself. Now I’m not talking about dating sites here, I’m talking social networking.
Exposed, a variety show in Southern California, do a ‘Facebook’ infomercial.
They saw you pee in primary school…
My dalliance with HotScot held the seed of social networking. How much more sophisticated we are now! With our Facebook, Bebo and MySpace. Only, when you sign up to Facebook, what do you do? You proceed to contact anyone you have ever met, ever. For some reason, Facebook is able to bypass the embarrassment of ex lovers, people who saw you pee yourself in primary school, even friend’s parents. I was distressed to find people contacting me who I never wanted to speak to again until I realised that what so many people are doing is just lurking. They invite your friendship, you accept, then you never ever say a word to each other as you rifle through each others photos thinking ‘gosh he’s put on weight’ or ‘ha! Still a bit of a slapper I see’. You accept because you want a peek, and you’ll put up with someone peeking back since you never have to acknowledge it. It’s like a one night stand, intimate, sordid and you never mention it again.
BBC 3 comedy ‘The Wall’ do a parody of Facebook in real life.
Favourites for a Facebook Stalker
There are other problems with social networking culture. Once your information is on Facebook, how do you control it. The nature of the internet means that all phenomena quickly become multi-platform and searching youtube you find thousands of videos referencing Facebook. One, Facebook Stalker uploaded by Dr49oon, is a parody of a stalker extolling the wonders of Facebook and how easy it is to keep up with his victims.
Stalkers love Facebook
It’s a funny gag, with a bit of a bite. It is all too easy to make information accessible to people you don’t really know using facebook, and while it is far more sophisticated than the chat rooms of old, all those news feeds and updates can cloak a sometimes scary anonymity.
Yet knowing people that have literally hundreds and hundreds of Facebook friends, I find myself longing for the days of one on one. That lone chatroom, my single suitor.
Not much changes
A friend of mine approached me the other day asking how he could change some of the information on his page without anyone knowing it. Confused, as this is the very point of Facebook- the continous, monotonous stream of information about the most mundane acts of peoples lives, I asked him what he meant. Looking over his shoulder to see if anyone could hear him he whispered ‘I met a famous chick and I want to Facebook her but I need my relationship status to be ‘single’.’
HotScot123? Is it you, after all these years?
Nokia Music Almighty
These raucous visual feasts are the new adverts from Nokia advertising their Nseries. Using rather extraordinary animated headphones - a mini disco for your ears - the effect is ridiculously appealing. Not only are the tunes they use ludicrously catchy – indeed, there seem to be numerous pleas across the internet for the name of songs used - but the headphones themselves have a mesmerising quality.
The first is actually pretty disturbing if you consider that the headphones, should they actually be worn, would, no doubt, be bawling into one listener’s ears and shooting small laser beams at the other’s. Sure, the wannabe rock-star cherub is quite cute, but there’s something about those gobby, lip-stick spattered mouths that screams ‘I’m going to snog your ears in between bellows’.
Yep, it’s the second ad that wins it for me with its overall childishness. This is largely because it fills me with a wonderful wave of blissful nostalgia – it’s like a sophisticated version of that Super Nintendo game back in the heady days of basic computer animation, the nineties. Remember Pop and Twinbee, the babblingly cute killing machines? Uncanny isn’t it?! - Especially with those little missiles. Do you know what, I might just buy a Nokia phone because of my love for a game I used to play…
The Lowdown on: Davina McCall
Love her or hate her, you can’t escape Davina McCall at the moment. The annual Big Brother circus is in town, with TV’s favourite motor-mouth heading up proceedings. Thanks to a long career in front of the camera Ms McCall is one of the most recognised faces on television. Here’s the lowdown on her life and career.
Early Life…
Davina Lucy Pascale McCall (try saying that after a couple of drinks…) was born on the 16th October 1967 in London. Her childhood wasn’t exactly idyllic. Her parents separated when she was three and she went to live with her grandparents in Surrey. Her French mother Florence was quite the free spirit, moving back to Paris after her divorce which meant that young Davina only saw her during holidays.
Making Waves…
At the age of 13 Davina moved in with her dad and started at posh Godolphin and Latymer Girls School. Her difficult family life led to her developing anorexia in her teens. It was also during this time that she started flexing her performance muscles, starting a professional band. She decided to go solo when she was 19 with the help of family friend Eric Clapton who she dated for a while. But pop stardom wasn’t to be for Davina. Frustrated by her lack of progress in the music industry she decided to pack it in and get a day job. But it wasn’t your run of the mill office drudgery. Davina landed a job as a booker for Model One’s male division – nice work if you can get it!
But the showbiz bug had bitten and it wasn’t long before Miss McCall was back on stage, this time in the Kylie Minogue video for ‘Word is Out’. A string of jobs and bit-parts followed (including a stint as a singing waitress in Paris, and two years running a restaurant) until she found herself back in London where she threw herself into the club scene. Drugs were rife and the temptation was too hard to resist. During her early 20s Davina was addicted to alcohol and cocaine.
First Taste of Stardom…
It was guardian angel and one-time lover Eric Clapton who helped Davina out of her misery. Thanks to him she conquered her addictions and got her first proper TV job presenting a show on MTV. Her next few jobs were on late-night and cult shows such as ITV game show God’s Gift and dating program Streetmate. But it was good old Big Bro who catapulted Davina into the limelight. A fixture since the very first show, her dedication to the BB cause was so great that she battled through three series while pregnant. But it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. Davina caused controversy in series 6 when she interviewed evictee Sam Heuston while wearing a bikini, and came under fire in the press for her heavy-handed interview technique with Makosi Musambasi.
Household Name…
Despite a steady salary from Big Brother Davina works between summer stints. Her CV is peppered with televisual hits like Popstars: The Rivals and Love on a Saturday Night as well as presenting gigs on the BAFTAs, Sport Relief and the BRIT Awards. She was given her own chat show on BBC1 in 2006 which never quite took off. Ratings never quite pipped 3 million and the show was axed after just one series.
Drama…
Not satisfied with simply presenting, Davina decided to give acting a go. She appeared in the sitcom Sam’s Game in 2001 but didn’t exactly set the thespian world on fire… She had more success alongside Leigh Francis on Bo’ Selecta and A Bear’s Tail, but has wisely realised that her true skill lies in presenting.
Personal Happiness…
After her rocky childhood, it seems that Davina has found happiness in her personal life. She divorced her first husband Andrew Leggett in the late 90s and married Pet Rescue presenter Matthew Robertson in 2000. The pair have three children – Holly, Tilly and Chester. Little Holly has already taken her first showbiz steps. Chris Moyles uses a sound clip of the tot saying “International Radio 1” on his breakfast show from time to time. You never know - maybe we’ll see her presenting Big Brother twenty years from now!
Future…
So what does the future hold for Davina? With Big Brother’s success on the wane she may lose her main meal ticket, but her popularity means that she’ll be in a good position to carry on presenting. A successful prime-time career, loyal hubby and three kids… It looks like Miss McCall has finally found peace and happiness after a rocky start. Long may she reign!
by Susie Gordon
Pick of the Week: Monday 7th July
Mon. 7th July - Sun. 13th July
BONEKICKERS
BBC 1 Tuesday 8th July 9pm Alert Me!
A team of archaeologists find themselves in mortal danger when they uncover a medieval mystery, in this new drama series starring Julie Graham, Hugh Bonneville, Adrian Lester and Gugu Mbatha-Raw. During an excavation of 14th-century medieval soldiers and Saracen coinage in Somerset, brilliant archaeologist Professor Gillian Magwilde, aided by forensic expert Dr Ben Ergha, eager new intern Viv Davis and the erudite but disreputable Professor Gregory Parton, discovers that the soldiers were members of the Knights Templar.
SIR RANULPH FIENNES EIGER CHALLENGE
ITV 4 Thursday 10 July 8:00PM
Sir Ranulph Fiennes is a great British legend who has spent most of his life doing the kind of thing that most normal people would consider an extremely bad idea. He has trekked solo to both the South and North Poles, circumnavigated the globe the hard way and hacked off his frostbitten fingers. Himself. With a hacksaw.
Despite having a heart attack up Everest, a fear of heights and the “issue” with his fingertips, this March he attempted to climb the North Face of the Eiger, one of the toughest climbs known to man, in aid for the Marie Curie foundation. Towering 1,800m (5,900 ft) above the valley below, it is known as one of the six great north faces of the Alps. Earning itself the nickname ‘Murder-face’, over 50 climbers have lost their lives attempting to climb to the peak.
LAB RATS
BBC 2 Thursday 10th July 9:30pm Alert Me!
Lab Rats is a new BBC Two studio comedy, starring Chris Addison from The Thick of It. Somewhere in St Dunstan’s University sits the Arnolfini Research Laboratory – a lab for hire, meant for flashy projects which will bring the college kudos and money. Unfortunately, the Arnolfini is staffed by what are known in scientific circles as ‘idiots’.
Lab Rats is a big, daft, cartoony sitcom, filmed before a studio audience. Although set in a laboratory, it is less about science and more an excuse for stupid jokes, endearingly chaotic characters and fast-paced, farcical plots. One week might find the lab rats unexpectedly creating giant, corridor-filling snails, the next week they could be wondering how they’ve offended Joan Armatrading.
CROCODILE DUNDEE
E4 Saturday 12 July 9pm
Mick ‘Crocodile’ Dundee (Paul Hogan) takes New York in Peter Faiman’s Oscar-nominated comedy. This classic aussie movie stands the test of time. “That’s not a knife… THIS is a knife” is still one of the best movie lines ever. Always worth watching and still as funny as the day it came out.
7/7: THE ANGELS OF EDGWARE ROAD
Channel 4 Sunday 13 July 7pm
The Angels of Edgware Road is the second of two documentary films commemorating the third anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings. It tells the heroic and uplifting stories of the passengers and passers-by who stayed behind risking injury and death trying to save the lives of complete strangers. Six people were killed in the bombing at Edgware Road and 163 others were injured. Had it not been for the prompt actions of the ‘Angels of Edgware Road’ more of those injured would have lost their lives.
Review: Fallout
Channel 4, 10pm, Thursday 3rd July 2008
Part of Channel 4’s season on Street Crime, Fallout, the play written by Roy Williams amongst the deaths of Damilola Taylor and Stephen Lawrence, now adapted for TV, comes in the midst of another spout of urban violence in London. Nicely timed from a somewhat cynical PR perspective plenty will agree. However, this drama offered more than a simple boost in C4’s ratings from a middle class Britain patting itself on the back for being so socially concerned. Fallout actually contained some genuinely compelling moments as the standard of acting rendered a sometimes improbable script credible.
Set in a London estate, Kwame Abena is stabbed to death by a gang of his schoolmates. His murderer, Emile is known to everyone on the estate but they all refuse to get involved. DS Joe Stephens, a black policeman, is brought in to see if he can persuade one of them to come forward with information. Having originally grown up on the estate, he is viewed by the police department as the perfect person with “obvious attributes”, who can talk to “his people”. It’s got to be said, a few of these scenes were rather hard to take on. The clunky script really bordered on the embarrassing at moments like this serving only to portray the complex issue as unrealistically two dimensional.
However, it was the standard of acting that enabled the story to come through via the sentiment with which the sometimes clumsy words were spoken. Scenes with Stephens and the boys from the estate were extremely well done, highlighting the convolution of his relationship with the culture of the estate in which he grew up. In addition to this, those with Emile’s girlfriend, Shanice, and her friend, Ronnie are depicted with great tenderness.
The conclusion is, indeed, somewhat bleak as Ronnie’s eventual statement against the gang is made void because of Stephens’ desperate interference with the evidence. The closing scenes involve a continuation of the day-to-day around the scene of the stabbing and a remarkable act of forgiveness from Kwame’s mother. Yet, this seemed a fitting ending to a drama representing a culture of violence that remains ever-present and unresolved.
By Susan Allen.
Pick of the Week: Monday 7th July
Mon. 7th July - Sun. 13th July
BONEKICKERS
BBC 1 Tuesday 8th July 9pm Alert Me!
A team of archaeologists find themselves in mortal danger when they uncover a medieval mystery, in this new drama series starring Julie Graham, Hugh Bonneville, Adrian Lester and Gugu Mbatha-Raw. During an excavation of 14th-century medieval soldiers and Saracen coinage in Somerset, brilliant archaeologist Professor Gillian Magwilde, aided by forensic expert Dr Ben Ergha, eager new intern Viv Davis and the erudite but disreputable Professor Gregory Parton, discovers that the soldiers were members of the Knights Templar.
SIR RANULPH FIENNES EIGER CHALLENGE
ITV 4 Thursday 10 July 8:00PM
Sir Ranulph Fiennes is a great British legend who has spent most of his life doing the kind of thing that most normal people would consider an extremely bad idea. He has trekked solo to both the South and North Poles, circumnavigated the globe the hard way and hacked off his frostbitten fingers. Himself. With a hacksaw.
Despite having a heart attack up Everest, a fear of heights and the “issue” with his fingertips, this March he attempted to climb the North Face of the Eiger, one of the toughest climbs known to man, in aid for the Marie Curie foundation. Towering 1,800m (5,900 ft) above the valley below, it is known as one of the six great north faces of the Alps. Earning itself the nickname ‘Murder-face’, over 50 climbers have lost their lives attempting to climb to the peak.
LAB RATS
BBC 2 Thursday 10th July 9:30pm Alert Me!
Lab Rats is a new BBC Two studio comedy, starring Chris Addison from The Thick of It. Somewhere in St Dunstan’s University sits the Arnolfini Research Laboratory – a lab for hire, meant for flashy projects which will bring the college kudos and money. Unfortunately, the Arnolfini is staffed by what are known in scientific circles as ‘idiots’.
Lab Rats is a big, daft, cartoony sitcom, filmed before a studio audience. Although set in a laboratory, it is less about science and more an excuse for stupid jokes, endearingly chaotic characters and fast-paced, farcical plots. One week might find the lab rats unexpectedly creating giant, corridor-filling snails, the next week they could be wondering how they’ve offended Joan Armatrading.
CROCODILE DUNDEE
E4 Saturday 12 July 9pm
Mick ‘Crocodile’ Dundee (Paul Hogan) takes New York in Peter Faiman’s Oscar-nominated comedy. This classic aussie movie stands the test of time. “That’s not a knife… THIS is a knife” is still one of the best movie lines ever. Always worth watching and still as funny as the day it came out.
7/7: THE ANGELS OF EDGWARE ROAD
Channel 4 Sunday 13 July 7pm
The Angels of Edgware Road is the second of two documentary films commemorating the third anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings. It tells the heroic and uplifting stories of the passengers and passers-by who stayed behind risking injury and death trying to save the lives of complete strangers. Six people were killed in the bombing at Edgware Road and 163 others were injured. Had it not been for the prompt actions of the ‘Angels of Edgware Road’ more of those injured would have lost their lives.
Top Ten Cringeworthy Speeches
Whether through passion, pain, joy or drugs, many are the occasions where a slip up has been caught on camera. Both celebrities and the common man have their place in this list, so sit back, prepare to cringe, cry and laugh your a** off
The Channel Hoppers Top Ten Cringeworthy Speeches!
10. James Corden: The Empire Awards
This is probably the best introduction at awards ceremony. It’s cringeworthy but oh in the funniest way. James Corden is a dirty, dirty, funny man. So he comes in for this Empire Awards speech at no. 10, because it’s less humiliating and more hilarious, but still totally cringeworthy.
9. Police officer gives gun ‘safety’ speech
The fact that the word ‘safety’ is in quotation marks should give you a hint as to how this scenario pans out.
8. Vote for Vice President
This is one for the people, to prove that us regular folk can do just as embarrassing things as celebrities. Oh how he will look back and cringe…
7. Anna Nicole Smith: AMA Presentation
She’s dead now so I’m probably going to hell for including this but still, it was spectacularly embarrassing so really, it needed a place in the Top Ten Hall of Fame.
6. James Cameron: The Oscars
Watching the 2000 Oscars was painful. As the mediocre turd that was Titanic floated its way to victory like the proverbial unstoppable iceberg, we could only sit back and watch as it swept up 11 oscars. As LA Confidential was overlooked for best film for the sake of Titanic it seemed like surely the evening couldn’t get any worse. But then it did. Watch how James Cameron strolls up to the stage, shaking hands and smugly waving at the crowd of sycophantic mannequins, skin stretched to breaking and wearing more make up and jewels than could imaginably be dredged from the labour of third world child workers paid in buttons and pennies. His speech was unbearable. Smug, self consciously ‘off the cuff’ and yet there was a pay off. As he reaches his arms to the sky to mimic his leading man’s famous line, a sense of dread settled across the audience. They knew it was coming, they couldn’t stop it and yet like the titanic itself, he aimed straight for disaster. As he raised his arms in triumph and cried, ‘I’m the king of the Wooooooorld’ even this rent-a-crowd of blow up dolls in diamonds couldn’t comprehend the w*nkiness. Amidst a spattering of claps he used frat boy whoops to try and bring the crowd back. But its too late, they’re gone, and James my friend, you left us this precious piece of ultimate televised humiliation so that we could laugh at you for all time. Thankyou.
Click here to see it
5. Miss South Carolina: Miss Teen USA Pageant
When asked the question – why can’t U.S. school children find the U.S. on a map this Miss Teen America contestant bumbles into a mesmerisingly stupid answer that makes for highly entertaining viewing and quickly became an internet legend. The question of whether stupidity is rewarded was answered quickly. Caitlin Upton went on to place 4th in the 2007 pageant.
Click here to see it
4. Kanye West: New Orleans Appeal
The thing about rappers is that they’re tough. Really tough. And eloquent. I mean, no matter whether you like rap or not, the fact is, it takes some tongue twisting to say fifty words in thirty seconds, not to mention adding in some obligatory ‘yeahs’ and ‘uhhnns’. Kanye is a top notch arrogant rapper in his dapper suits and bling drippings. He’s good and he knows it, and if you don’t know it, then he’ll tell you so. In rap, at awards ceremonies, probably in bed and the in bathroom mirror too. It’s all part of the image.
But oh, what a blow to the rep was this particular speech made in a TV appeal for help for New Orleans disaster victims. Now let’s get something straight, what Kanye is saying makes sense. Sort of. Once you decipher it. But mainly it’s his impassioned, nervous delivery that makes you imagine he went home and cried in the shower like a little girl, because he lost some serious cool points here. Also funny is Mike Myer’s reaction. Watch for it at the end. It’s like slow motion double take. Genius.
3.Chris Crocker: Leave Britney Alone
This meme took this kid from Loserville, USA to Loserville, the Universe. Within a week of airing, everyone knew about the impassioned plea of the guy to ‘LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!’ so garnering the same kind of dersision and net popularity heaped on the pop princess herself. If you haven’t seen it before, prepare yourself…
2. George Bush: Oh so many…
It was a tough call whether to put this first or not. The truth is there could be a Top 10 Cringeworthy Speeches made up of George Bush moments alone. However, since I couldn’t pick one I’ve gone for a whole bunch. Some would argue this should be at the top of the list, but I say no, you haven’t seen Halle Berry’s speech yet, so hold your judgemental horses…
1. Halle Berry: The Oscars
As much as she cries with happiness I cried with laughter. So, a lot. Some could even say a mammoth, gigantic, galactic amount. I couldn’t breathe. Oh god, it was horrible. I wasn’t even laughing at her as much as FOR her. I didn’t want to hear it and yet I HAD to. Because this is The. Most. Embarrassing. Speech. Ever.
From the moment Russell Crowe announces it you can tell there’s going to be something different about the speech. Maybe it’s the way that while the other loser actresses are demurely clapping, Berry is clasping her seat screaming ‘OH MY GOD OH MY GOD’ in a way that makes you think her entire family, her dog and her favourite Manolo’s have been demolished in some bizarre act of god. But no, you can be forgiven for thinking otherwise but this is actually happiness. Pure - unadulterated for the camera - joy. It is a total meltdown of joy, like a triple decker ice cream sundae with caramel sauce left out in the sun.
Her speech is momentously cringeworthy, when you can decipher it through the sobs.
At first, people smile indulgently, maybe even a little moved. These change to looks that are varyingly disturbed, weeping, or just plain old trying not to stare. Watch especially for Helen Mirren. Only an English woman could look that perturbed using so little expression. Press play. Close your eyes and enjoy our no. 1 Most Cringeworthy Speech.
Click here to see it
Big Brother is a Big Let Down
Big Brother is really doing my nut in. The granddaddy of reality TV, this show has contaminated the airwaves for nearly ten years now. And you know what, we still watch it. Even me and I think it’s the stupidest show ever made. Sure the ratings are down, but there are still over a million people tuning into this show every day.
What does that say? Well let’s have a look:
1. People like stupid people. Why? Because they make us feel less stupid. Even though, ironically, we are pretty stupid for watching the aforementioned stupid people.
2. Watching horrible people do horrible things entertains us. With what result? Horrible people find fame and fortune. Jade Goody still graces the pages of tabloids and yet this racist, mingin woman is famous for what? Being racist and mingin.
3. By watching this show, we affirm for these stupid, horrible people, that they are indeed ‘important’. Take Lisa, in one episode she said: ‘I’ve always thought I was destined for something big, it’s just come a bit later on in life than expected. I could feel it in my spirit.’ What could she be referring to I wonder? Was she working in the third world saving children? A work of art? Maybe she led a world changing protest? No, of course not. She was talking about Big Brother. On what planet does being on Big Brother count as being important? Big? If this is your life ambition you need to get a new ambition. And a new life.
When Big Brother first aired it was fascinating. A window into the mundane that was bizarrely addictive. There was a range of people in the house, we saw people of different backgrounds interact under pressure, we saw friendships forged and enemies made over the most minute chores and conflicts. Today Big Brother is a shadow of itself, relying on a forced mix of kooks, bastards and sexpots to keep things interesting. Yet it’s not. Time to close up shop and put something else on the air, seriously.
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