Top Ten Cringeworthy Speeches

July 4, 2008 by  
Filed under Features

Whether through passion, pain, joy or drugs, many are the occasions where a slip up has been caught on camera. Both celebrities and the common man have their place in this list, so sit back, prepare to cringe, cry and laugh your a** off

The Channel Hoppers Top Ten Cringeworthy Speeches!

10. James Corden: The Empire Awards

This is probably the best introduction at awards ceremony. It’s cringeworthy but oh in the funniest way. James Corden is a dirty, dirty, funny man. So he comes in for this Empire Awards speech at no. 10, because it’s less humiliating and more hilarious, but still totally cringeworthy.

9. Police officer gives gun ‘safety’ speech

The fact that the word ‘safety’ is in quotation marks should give you a hint as to how this scenario pans out.

8. Vote for Vice President

This is one for the people, to prove that us regular folk can do just as embarrassing things as celebrities. Oh how he will look back and cringe…

7. Anna Nicole Smith: AMA Presentation

She’s dead now so I’m probably going to hell for including this but still, it was spectacularly embarrassing so really, it needed a place in the Top Ten Hall of Fame.

6. James Cameron: The Oscars

Watching the 2000 Oscars was painful. As the mediocre turd that was Titanic floated its way to victory like the proverbial unstoppable iceberg, we could only sit back and watch as it swept up 11 oscars. As LA Confidential was overlooked for best film for the sake of Titanic it seemed like surely the evening couldn’t get any worse. But then it did. Watch how James Cameron strolls up to the stage, shaking hands and smugly waving at the crowd of sycophantic mannequins, skin stretched to breaking and wearing more make up and jewels than could imaginably be dredged from the labour of third world child workers paid in buttons and pennies. His speech was unbearable. Smug, self consciously ‘off the cuff’ and yet there was a pay off. As he reaches his arms to the sky to mimic his leading man’s famous line, a sense of dread settled across the audience. They knew it was coming, they couldn’t stop it and yet like the titanic itself, he aimed straight for disaster. As he raised his arms in triumph and cried, ‘I’m the king of the Wooooooorld’ even this rent-a-crowd of blow up dolls in diamonds couldn’t comprehend the w*nkiness. Amidst a spattering of claps he used frat boy whoops to try and bring the crowd back. But its too late, they’re gone, and James my friend, you left us this precious piece of ultimate televised humiliation so that we could laugh at you for all time. Thankyou.

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5. Miss South Carolina: Miss Teen USA Pageant

When asked the question – why can’t U.S. school children find the U.S. on a map this Miss Teen America contestant bumbles into a mesmerisingly stupid answer that makes for highly entertaining viewing and quickly became an internet legend. The question of whether stupidity is rewarded was answered quickly. Caitlin Upton went on to place 4th in the 2007 pageant.

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4. Kanye West: New Orleans Appeal

The thing about rappers is that they’re tough. Really tough. And eloquent. I mean, no matter whether you like rap or not, the fact is, it takes some tongue twisting to say fifty words in thirty seconds, not to mention adding in some obligatory ‘yeahs’ and ‘uhhnns’. Kanye is a top notch arrogant rapper in his dapper suits and bling drippings. He’s good and he knows it, and if you don’t know it, then he’ll tell you so. In rap, at awards ceremonies, probably in bed and the in bathroom mirror too. It’s all part of the image.
But oh, what a blow to the rep was this particular speech made in a TV appeal for help for New Orleans disaster victims. Now let’s get something straight, what Kanye is saying makes sense. Sort of. Once you decipher it. But mainly it’s his impassioned, nervous delivery that makes you imagine he went home and cried in the shower like a little girl, because he lost some serious cool points here. Also funny is Mike Myer’s reaction. Watch for it at the end. It’s like slow motion double take. Genius.

3.Chris Crocker: Leave Britney Alone

This meme took this kid from Loserville, USA to Loserville, the Universe. Within a week of airing, everyone knew about the impassioned plea of the guy to ‘LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!’ so garnering the same kind of dersision and net popularity heaped on the pop princess herself. If you haven’t seen it before, prepare yourself…

2. George Bush: Oh so many…

It was a tough call whether to put this first or not. The truth is there could be a Top 10 Cringeworthy Speeches made up of George Bush moments alone. However, since I couldn’t pick one I’ve gone for a whole bunch. Some would argue this should be at the top of the list, but I say no, you haven’t seen Halle Berry’s speech yet, so hold your judgemental horses…

1. Halle Berry: The Oscars

As much as she cries with happiness I cried with laughter. So, a lot. Some could even say a mammoth, gigantic, galactic amount. I couldn’t breathe. Oh god, it was horrible. I wasn’t even laughing at her as much as FOR her. I didn’t want to hear it and yet I HAD to. Because this is The. Most. Embarrassing. Speech. Ever.
From the moment Russell Crowe announces it you can tell there’s going to be something different about the speech. Maybe it’s the way that while the other loser actresses are demurely clapping, Berry is clasping her seat screaming ‘OH MY GOD OH MY GOD’ in a way that makes you think her entire family, her dog and her favourite Manolo’s have been demolished in some bizarre act of god. But no, you can be forgiven for thinking otherwise but this is actually happiness. Pure – unadulterated for the camera – joy. It is a total meltdown of joy, like a triple decker ice cream sundae with caramel sauce left out in the sun.
Her speech is momentously cringeworthy, when you can decipher it through the sobs.
At first, people smile indulgently, maybe even a little moved. These change to looks that are varyingly disturbed, weeping, or just plain old trying not to stare. Watch especially for Helen Mirren. Only an English woman could look that perturbed using so little expression. Press play. Close your eyes and enjoy our no. 1 Most Cringeworthy Speech.

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